Episode 30 - Controversial Questions

Things get a little spicy in this episode of Unfiltered Us! We’re diving into some controversial questions — and nothing is off-limits. From relationships and lifestyle choices to personal opinions that might raise eyebrows, we’re giving our real, raw, and unfiltered takes.

Tune in for laughs, debates, and maybe a few moments that’ll make you say, “Did they really just say that?” 😅

🎧 Stream now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you listen to your favorite shows!

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Transcript

You're listening to unfiltered us, where we keep it real and unscripted. I'm your host, Suzy, along with my husband, Miguel. Ready to dive in? Let's get started. All right. Welcome. Welcome, everybody, to our newest episode. I think this is episode 30, my love. Oh, we're in the Big Three's now. Three 3030. We're starting out strong. I remember my dirty 30s. How are you, babe? Good. How are you feeling today? You know, we're in day three of detox, and I have to say that I feel good. Is it day three? Yeah. We started on Monday. I know it feels like day two. No, it's. They were done with day three. Now I feel great, I feel awesome. So. Yeah. So for the people that don't know, we decided to do is it a two weeks, two weeks, a 14 day detox. Right. And as opposed to plans like what? Your liver and your pancreas and all this stuff. All of the above. Actually, I did not read the details. Wow. You don't even know where are we detoxing from? No, because my cousin, when we were on that cousin trip, recommended it, and I just trusted him. And I'm just doing it right. But you didn't. But I didn't think to look at what it's doing for me. Well, okay. No, but I. I do feel good, though. I feel I feel the only thing that I have to say. I'm missing my coffee. I was going for the past couple of days. Today, I was actually not that bad, but the past couple of days I was actually, um, going through some caffeine withdrawals, which are not fun for people who have gone through that. I need my coffee. I do not understand that one because I don't drink. Yeah, that mushroom coffee, that mushroom coffee is good taste, but it just does not have that kick. So. That's the one thing I do wish I had mentioned. Coffee is just good for you. Yeah, well, I mean, pretty much everything we're doing is, you know, it's good for us as far as food goes. And we're eating super clean and super lean and, uh, right, supplements. And it's it literally is biohacking your body in a sense. It's biohacking. If we continue. Well, you know, I'm gonna add my coffee. I'm coming back after two weeks where we're like, okay, that's the problem. Three days down, 11 to go 11. I'm just looking forward towards my coffee. I can eat the what we've been eating is fine with me. I don't have a problem. It's more of the, uh, the coffee. My, that's my thing. I don't have a problem with the eating, too. Like, I like cooking, right. And I this is probably the longest I cook in a long time. Which, by the way, they've been great meals. Oh, my God, they've been delicious. I actually love cooking. But the problem is coming up with like, clean recipes day after day in three of them. A day that's. That's intense. Yeah. Well, hey, we got her. We got an interesting, uh, podcast today we're gonna do. This is gonna. We have a controversial question. Controversial questions in regards to what the relationships or relations are. Podcast about relationships. Yeah. That's true. You know, I sometimes for I forget we have a, uh, a relationship podcast. I feel like we have other type of podcast. I'm like, what? I don't know. You know, sometimes I, you know, you kind of lose track of because you cover some. We cover so many things, right? Obviously it's our personal story and the things that we're living and the things that we've lived. Um, but at the same time, it it is a relationship podcast. And it is. So. Okay. So what what is what is this controversial question? Okay. Question number one. All right. Let's do this. Is it okay to stay in a relationship if you're no longer in love with your partner? No. No, I don't think so either. I don't think so. I think a lot of people do it, um, because they're comfortable with the person, but not necessarily in love with them. And then it ends up being more like a roommate situation. Or, you know, people always say, oh, we're staying together for the kids, which that's not the correct thing either. There's, there's there's separate things there. Yeah, there's separate things there. So I, I feel no, because you're actually in a sense hurting each other. You know, you're not really living and you're hurting not only yourself, but you're like you said, you're also hurting yourself. How do you get along as friends? Well, here's the thing. You're not in love with each other. Let me tell you then I feel, and this is my personal opinion, the number one reason why people who are in a relationship or are together, married or not married, they're living together and they don't love each other and they stay together. Is because one of them, or maybe if not both of them, are just afraid of the unknown. Right. So you said it at the beginning. They're they're comfortable with one another because they know one another. Right? And they know how their lives are, regardless whether they're loving each other, being a couple or not. They're just afraid of what's out there. They're just afraid of the unknown. And so that's why either one of them doesn't want to make the move, or neither one want to make the move. But over a long period of time, they're hurting themselves and they're hurting their family, I think. Oh, absolutely. You know, we know a few people that should have been divorced and should be divorced, should have been divorced a long time ago, should be divorced right now. But they still together. I don't know why. And, um, they don't. I don't, I don't. I mean, in fact, we've known they've one of them told the other one that they don't love them. So you know. But yeah. So the answer to that in my opinion, is no. I know I kind of agree with you. Why do you think people do stay? I mean, I know you said because they're comfortable, but why is it that one of them just doesn't pack up and go? Well, if there's children involved, people will always say it's because of the children. But that's not necessarily true either, because I know, like just from personal, um, people that have said that and then their children are out of the house, but yet they're still together. Yeah. And it's like, uh, supposedly you were together for the children. But no, that's not true, because now there's no children in the house, and yet you still together. So does it go back to what I was just saying? The fear of the unknown. Yes, absolutely. The fear of the unknown and just being comfortable with the person. Yeah. So they rather live miserably. Exactly. Both of them? Yes. Rather than saying we don't love each other, let's just go. Which, by the way, not every couple. There are some that that does happen. There are some that they find themselves in situations where they do not love each other, and they each go their separate ways. Now, what if you got along with the person but you just don't love them anymore, you know? Okay, so at that point, and I know we've had a conversation like this before. No, we know or not. Maybe personally, but I know I've heard stories of people who. Actually live together. But they're not together. But yet they're still married. What? Yes. So wait. They're married. They live together. But they're not together. Yes. And they get along. They just get along as friends. So they're just roommates? Yeah, in a sense. And what? So they're both free to do whatever they want. Oh, well, I don't know. I don't know. I just remember somebody saying they've known somebody like that, but I don't know the story behind. As far as, like I have questions on that one. I don't know I don't know. I mean, I am okay with if they don't love each other, but they get along that if they don't live together, they remain friends. You know, especially if there's kids. I think that it's hard to find that in the Hispanic community, especially with the Hispanic man. Right. Because they're like, oh, no, I don't want to talk to them. And again, it just depends on how their relationship ended. Right, right. If it ended on both good terms, where they it was a mutual agreement to where they both decided, look, we we love each other as friends, but not as couple or as a as a relationship, like husband and wife anymore. And they both go their separate ways and they remain friends. I, I think that's cool. I actually like that, you know, especially when there are kids and they co-parent, right? I, I like that when they can get along even though they're not together. I think that's the the most adult thing to do. But unfortunately it's very rare when that happens. Yeah, it is. And like I said and you know, and then especially with us Hispanics, it's very rare because usually one one would get a new girl, like I would get a new girl and then the ex might not like her or vice versa. The guy might not like the new guy, even though they have no say in the new relationship. Yeah, yeah. You know, and it's like, oh, whatever, you know, so so no, I think the questions though. Okay. Next question. What are your thoughts on an open relationship. Can they work. I'm sure they can. I'm sure they can, too. Yeah, I'm sure they can. I'm sure if, you know, I think the most important thing when it comes down to things like that is just communication, you know, and and boundaries. I guess at that point, though, why be together if you're just going to be in an open relationship, why not be in a circle but dating other people? That's that's honestly a great question to ask to someone that's an open relationship because I, I couldn't tell you, you know, I maybe I can only assume that maybe they just love each other and they don't want to let each other go, but yet at the same time, they want to be able to, you know, be free and do their thing on the, on, on their own. You know, that. That's the only thing I can guess, you know, but, um, because I, I mean, which which what other way would it be? Yeah. You know, what other way would it be other than, man, we love each other, but we're. I'm okay with you. You know, dating other people. You're okay with me dating other people. And at the end of the day, we're just in an open relationship. Is it dating other people while you're with this person, or is it just having sex with other people while dating this person? I, I don't know, I'm assuming if it's open, you can do whatever. I don't know, because let's just say that an open because I'm not sure either. Now that I think about it, it's an open relationship, like you're dating other people as well as your with your spouse. Or does that just necessarily mean like you're having sex with other people while you're with your spouse? Because if it's just having sex with other people while still being married to your spouse. I guess I could understand that, especially from a man's point of view, because just men obviously want to have sex with other women. And so if the wife is okay with that, then I could see the open relationship part of it. Um, because you're just having sex with them, there's no kind of relationship or whatsoever, but if it's dating other people, then I don't understand, because why even be with the person? Yeah. So you're saying just, um, you you I, I asked ChatGPT right now, which I want to tell you what I said, but you're saying open relationship is just like just the sex on the side, sex being on the side, and then, uh, the y date, because obviously you're living with this person or whatever. Yeah, I mean, I, I don't know, I mean, maybe, I don't know, maybe I yeah, I don't know, I don't know, but I would have to say if it's just a sex thing, then I could understand the open relationship because in a sense it's just sex. Like just having sex or just having a fun right time with that person, right? And then that's it. There is no dating. There's no, you know, like. Right. Okay, here's what ChatGPT says as an open relationship, um, is a type of romantic relationship where both partners agree that they can have sexual or romantic experiences with other people outside the relationship, but still maintain their main connection with each other. Okay, so the core relationship, the couple remains emotionally committed to one another. They both have a mutual agreement on both partners, and they openly discuss and consent the agreement. Uh, honestly and clear boundaries are the key. Man, I just said that. The communication and the boundaries. Right? So, uh, some couples allow only sexual experiences. Okay. See, then I can understand. So they're open sexually? Yes. While others may allow emotional or romantic connections to. Okay, see, that's the part I don't get. That was called a polyamorous or ethical non-monogamy. So, um, I think, you know, going back to the question, I think it would work for for the right person and for the right couple. Yeah. Because it won't work. It won't work if only one person agrees. Well, it doesn't work for everyone, first of all. But if your partner is okay with that and obviously they're not box equals and toxic and you know, they thought it could it could definitely work. Well I, I, I don't know anybody I don't know if you know anybody that it's in an open relationship. But I've heard of people who are and they seem to work. So I think it seems to work because for like I said before, a man is just some man just wants to try other women. Right. But in that sense, they're still in love with their spouse. It's just something that they want to do. Like, yeah, I, I blau I get your point that you're 100%. I get your point on that aspect. I don't disagree with you one bit, but the problem is with the wife. Allow them to do that. Well, that's why it's an open relationship, something you have to discuss with your partner. Yeah, I guess I guess I have questions on this, you know? But I mean, based on what you said, kind of explains it, right? Oh, really? So there's two that type. So there is a sexual one, and then there's more emotional one. The emotional one. I don't understand because emotional it should be just with your right. The one you love, the one you love. Yeah. Um I agree. Sexes could be sexes. Sex. Right? As long as you're, you know, there's no emotions of them. There's no emotions attached, which is so possible for a lot of people, you know, just to have sex. Yeah. So I think I again, it does work. Okay. Is it ever acceptable to cheat on your partner? Uh, no. I mean, you're somebody's gonna get hurt, right? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. So is it acceptable or. No. Is it acceptable? It's. No. Does it happen? Yes, yes, it happens. But it's not something that you can say. Okay, well, I got a point. I just thought about this. Um, someone's going to get hurt, right? Someone's going to get hurt. So the question. Is it acceptable? No. However, there are people who are in relationships that, you know, one spouse takes advantage more of the other. Or it's not providing as much to the relationship as the other where you hear that other person is cheating, right? And it's almost like you're happy. Yeah. You know that. You're like, hell yeah. You know, I mean, it's sad. It's sad that, you know, we you know what I'm talking about. Because the other day we heard about somebody and you were like, man, I'm so happy, right, that this happened or whatever, you know? But anyways, it's it's just not acceptable. But again, it goes back to the first question. If you're hating life and living together, why? You know why. You know why be together? Why still be okay. But from a man's point of view, again, I'm going back to almost like the open relationship. And we've discussed this before, maybe not so much on the podcast, but men need. I feel like other women. Yes. Okay. It's it's. And you love your spouse. Correct? Okay. Now you having sex with another person? There is no emotions attached. Okay, so you're cheating just because you need, in a sense, like another flavor, let's just say. Yeah, but it's not necessarily to replace the love of your life which correct your wife. Correct. I'm not saying it's acceptable that she's acceptable. In no way am I saying that. But it goes deeper than that. Okay. If it's not an emotional thing that you're doing it for, correct? You're doing it because men are men. Yeah. It's a need. And this is something that, you know, I've said this before and some people probably I've had I've never said this on the podcast, but I've had conversations about things like this to other people and other couples. And the guys sometimes look at me and they go, huh? And the girl for sure don't like it, right? But it's it's. It's almost like it's a scientific thing, right? That. Yes, you do love your wife. Yes. You want to be with her for the rest of your life, but you just want to sleep with other women. And I know, and I the reason why I say goes deeper than that. It's because if you go back and talk about how marriages were started and how they paired a man and a woman and, and they made it look like you're exclusive to one another and this is it. If you go back and I don't have time to get into all the details. But if you study how that came about and why that came about. Well, I'm not saying just in marriages people do it in just dating. Right. Well, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying is it goes back deeper than that. The fact that a man was only allowed to have one woman, it's crazy to me. It's crazy to me. And it's not to say that he should love more than one. I'm sure there's going to be some sort of like affection, right? Because you got to like a person. But I'm talking, like, madly deep in love. Like this is the love of my life. Yes. Most likely would be one person. However, there's going to be multiple women that you're going to want to experience with. Yeah. And that's I mean, it's it's it's in books, you know. Right. But that's what I'm saying. It could happen in dating you. So in a sense you're agreeing with me 100%. You're agreeing with me that you do have the one person that you love? Yes. And then. And that men just love. Others just want to try different women. So. So that's why it's called cheating. Because it was ruled years ago that this is the one and only one. And it's not supposed to be like that, but because it's happened for years, everybody is conditioned to believe that that's really what it is. And and it's it's I'm I hate to tell you, but it's not. And so that's why I said at the beginning, is it. Is it acceptable? Well, no. Because in societies thing it's a bad thing. And somebody's going to get hurt because they don't understand the way it really is supposed to be. If they understood and the men did what the men do, then the women would know that that's how men act and think and do. Then there wouldn't be such a bad thing. Well, then, why do you think jealousy exists? For the same reason that you think your mind and I'm yours. You see what I'm saying? It exists for that. Now, here's the thing. It also comes into play. And again, this is way this is like psychological. It goes into insecurity. Right? Doubts like just because I look at another girl like today, I told you there was a girl working out next to us, and I told you about this girl, right? And not one. I guarantee you, not one thought went through your head. Oh my God. He goes, don't leave me for this girl. No. Okay, so that's because you you have no doubt and you have no insecurities. But not everybody's like that. Not everybody's like that. If there's even people, which I've seen it at the gym, guys don't even let the girls work out on their own. Even though the guys are doing, like the girls workouts. I'm like, dude. You know, because they're insecure and they have doubts or vice versa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. It goes both ways. So I mean, that question is it it there's a deeper meaning on the answer to that question in my opinion. Well then your answer should be yes, that it should be acceptable to cheat. Because if the way you're saying it, it's making it sound like something happened years ago. And since you're except you say cheating should be acceptable, I said it in a sense. I said it in a sense. I said it first. No, because people just don't have that understanding. And for me to come out and say, yeah, cheat without them knowing that it's somebody's going to get hurt. That's the only reason why I answered it that way. But if you peel the onions a few layers, you're going to find that the real answer is the man is going to do it, I don't care. No, you know, I and I know some guys that are like, I only have eyes for my wife. Get out of here. You know, like you look at a girl, you might not act on it, but you look at a fine looking girl. You're going to say, oh, my God, like it's gonna run through your head. You're gonna want to do something with that girl. It's just nature. Man cannot explain it and women will never understand it. I mean, I understand it. I'm good. I'm happy. I'm glad. Um. So in a sense, you're. Yes. Yeah. No. Yeah. I mean, I I. Yes. Okay. Should you tell your partner if you cheat on them? It goes back to the. No, but just answer the question. Uh, no. You don't think so? No. Because if if the if the person doesn't, again, it goes back to the the previous question. If the person doesn't understand it, you're going to hurt somebody now. Does it happen. And maybe the woman forgets. And you know the guy made a mistake and he won't do it again, I'm sure. But most likely it's okay. But don't you agree that if they're let's just see if they find out in the future that it would have been better taking from you than some random person? Yeah. Yeah. But again, you know, it just depends. It really just depends. You know, I, I think it just really depends on the relationship. It depends on how well you've communicated, how much you know each other. Um, you know, if that ever happens in a brand new marriage, it's it's leading to a divorce. You know, um, it just depends you understanding the person, why it happened. And, you know, I think there are so many things behind it. That's why I say no. It's just that nobody gets hurt. But it happens. I don't know what's your take on it. Well, I, I personally would like to be I would like to know and I would like to know from my spouse rather than some random person, even though I might be hurt by it. This question is that you understanding that after 29 years of marriage, or is that Susie answering that question, or wanting to know that at three years of marriage, five years of marriage? No. Or being, uh oh, I would like to know regardless. But you're telling me you think today the same way you thought? No, no, no, I didn't say I'm think the same way. But your question was. And do I think the same question was, would I like to know. Yes. Who's the one that would like to know Susie today or Susie from Susie's would like to know. Okay. Both. Susie would like to know. Now, would both Susie react differently? Absolutely. But both Susie's would like to know. Got it. Okay. Um, I that's why I think it's important that at least for whichever partner, whoever wants to see, maybe just talk to your partner beforehand, right. Because sometimes they might understand where you're thinking you. I mean, I know you're shaking your head. No, but you know the only reason. Okay. So listen, the only reason why I'm shaking my head right now is just because. The the trust I and I. I'm looking at it from us today. The trust and the communication that you and I have today. It's not has never in our 29 years been the same. Okay. And so I as a man, let's just say right. Because a man most statistically speaking 90 probably percent of the women do it too. They just get away with it because they're slicker. But we're just smarter. Well, yeah, exactly. You know, so smarter. Yeah. So slicker. That's what I'm saying. So I from from me personally speaking, I know that if I would have done something early on just because I don't want to hurt you and just because I don't want. You're assuming this, though. Just like all men assume, right? Okay. That's what I'm saying, though, because there is zero communication. There's zero understanding, there is zero openness to you're still you're feeling. You're still assuming that's just how it is. You know, to you to you is not like, well, I could only answer for me. Exactly. But you have to look at it in a, I have to just like you're only answering for you. I'm only answering for me. And from my point of view, that I would have would say no. But if, God forbid, that would have happened. Now then, I know that I can come to you and be like, oh my God, you wouldn't even believe what happened, right? I cheated on you. Is that how you would say it? No. I would start you and you would believe what happened. I did, I sit down. Let me tell you. Let me tell you. It's not what you think. Yeah. It's not what you think. No, but I think I wanted me, like I think that. Okay. So I just think the communications number one and where you are. But don't you agree that the communication. Listen, I'm not disagreeing with you when you said that. Yes, it would be okay to know. I just think that it's just different for people and it's different for guys because I, I'm I'm telling you because I know a lot of guys that I have conversations with them. These guys cannot, even though they've been married for a while because they lack trust and and an openness and a ton of communications about their feelings. These guys cannot have the same conversation with their wives like I have with you. Okay, but let me answer because you keep putting me off. Do you agree that if you maybe would have came to me, like early on in our marriage, it was something that we could have worked out years ago? And they would have we would have open conversation years ago rather than just recently. Yeah. So in a sense, you were making assumptions that me as a person. Yes. Okay. That's my point. Yeah. And I mean, you don't know until you talk, but then. But the open communication starts with somebody, right? And it goes back to the previous questions. The only reason why I say no is because of the fact that somebody's going to get butt hurt, because the lack of understanding and the lack of communication, but the person is going to get hurt regardless. You know, like logically, logically, your answer 100% makes sense emotionally because that's how we act. It doesn't. And sometimes you have to go based on not logic, but emotionally. Okay. What if the tables were turned and I. Wanted to cheat on you. Would you prefer me to you beforehand or just not tell you? Uh, man, I probably not know. I'm probably not one I know you would probably not want to know. Right. So. And it's just that in the future, if you did, if you did, if it wasn't spoken before and you did, then it breaks the trust and it breaks the, um, you know, it just breaks the trust. That's really what it is. It breaks the trust. Because I didn't tell you. Right. But why wouldn't you let me tell you beforehand then? I never said I never wanted to tell you. You said I would treat. Yeah, you said you would prefer me to not tell you at all. Well, okay. That's called. That's cheating. That is. She's cheating. You don't say hey I this Saturday coming up. No it doesn't, it just happened. That's okay. Now you're just getting too technical. If I wanted to sleep with another man. Huh? Do you prefer me tell you beforehand or not? Tell you at all? Yeah, we can talk about it beforehand. So you would like to know beforehand? Yeah. Like why I feel this way. And why do I feel like. That's correct. Like what? You said that a woman. I meant to tell a woman, but at that point that I don't think that's considered cheating anymore. Okay, but that's okay. Let's just say sleeping. Okay? But, you know, people will understand what I'm saying when I say cheating. I understand you're getting a little technical. Like when you tell them beforehand things. It's just I don't know, but like, people think how I think that cheating is regardless. Like, if you're going to sleep with another person, regardless if the person knows or not, it's in no way cheating. Okay because you're sleeping with another person, even if your spouse knows it. Yes, it I. It's not. It's just more consensual. Let's just say so. Consensual sex with another person is cheating because you're not sleeping with your spouse. But it's not. I know somebody out there will totally understand what I'm trying to say here. I know you're just being more technical about it. I think there are two different things they don't think I, I, I think I understand you do something behind someone's back. Yes. Okay, okay. That's fine. I gave you a point. I mean, really, technically, no, I'm just saying. Okay, if you if I wanted to sleep with another person, then do you prefer before that I tell you before. Okay. Yeah. Regardless if your feelings are hurt, right? Yeah. Okay. Same thing with me. If you wanted to cheat, I would prefer you tell me beforehand. We could discuss. Like, why do you feel that you have to cheat. That's what I just would want to know. Like, why do you feel like you want to sleep with her? You know? Yeah, but at that point, when you are okay, it goes back to we go back to the same point. At that point, if I tell you I don't, I don't I don't consider it as cheating because you already know I considered it. If I don't tell you the cheating part. And your question was if you did do it behind my back and me not, no one would. I want to know. And the answer probably no. So we can talk about the next question. Seems like we're going on circles on this one. But, you know, I feel like we understand each other. I think that you should tell. You should tell your partner. I just want to tell you. So here's here's the reason why. Maybe we're having an issue on trying to answer these questions. Because I'm looking at it. If if we answer these questions from, like, our personal points of views, they're 100% going to be different than 98% of the population out there. Oh, I agree, but I'm not talking about them. Talking about us. Yeah, okay. Like us personally. Like that's all I could answer. I mean, obviously everyone's going to. Oh we're going. Yes. So so so but like us or our relationship I would prefer beforehand and I know. Yeah. And I'm sure there's a lot of people that can do that or feel like they can do that, even though maybe your spouse might understand you. Right. But of course, people just get so scared to see something like that. Um, you're just a different breed. I mean, I know maybe works for me. All right, what's the next question? Um, I think we answered it. Should you tell your partner if you cheat on them? Or did I already say that one? That was the last one, yes. Okay. Is it possible to be friends with an ex? Okay, so. Yeah, I think so. I don't have any exes. You were only my first boyfriend, so. Yeah, I think so. I mean, it goes back to the question that we had earlier, right? How how the how our relationship ended. You know, if if they just grew apart and they each won their separate ways and they remain friends. I think so. I've heard of people. I've heard of people that I think you should if they're kids involved. Yeah. You know, like, I mean, man, I like, I think, like, between you and I, because we've been together for so long, like my family is your family. Yeah. You know, and I think if something was to ever happen and we remained friends, like, they would still be my family. Yeah. You know, um, then again, if, if, if a person did something dirty, if a person did it the wrong way, I just think they should be dishonest. You know, this. This. What do you call the the when you dishonor them? Yeah. Dishonored. That's what I mean. You know, if you did, the person dirty. Like if I ever put you through hell. Like, I, I would I, I would, I would know that your family would hate me if I did something like that. You would think people have come back. And did it matter? Yeah. All right. Next question. So yeah, the the the the the question is I think it is possible. I think it's possible. I mean, if you if, if you're both adults, you have no kids and you don't really have the same circles. You probably won't be friends. But if you stay within the same circles, let's just I just I just think it just all depends how the relationship ended. It does. It does all depend on how the how the relationship. Absolutely. Okay. Should you change who you are for your partner? Mm. No. I mean, that's hard to answer because I. I think there are some. There are some. We all need that improve. Uh, I've changed about myself that you didn't like. And I feel like you've changed some stuff that I didn't like. Yes, but I in a long run, I feel like it just made us better people. It's not like it's made me a worse person or. Yes. Okay, so yeah, I agree 100%. So I'm not talking changing you. I'm just talking maybe changing some habits or some behaviors that we each had that we needed to improve on in order for the relationship to keep working. You know, like you need to keep adjusting. Every year that we've been together, we've there's been some things that we needed to adjust, you know, and, and, um, and it's again, because of maybe how you were raised, your programming, the things that you did prior to you meeting me and me growing up in a certain different way, and the things I did and how my programming and my upbringing was. And then when those two come together and if if you don't find the adjustment where you need to evolve. Then it clashes. You know, so when they say changing, what do you think they mean by it? Well, certain behaviors, you know, certainly like like I, I remember I can tell you from personal experience, I know I used to let a lot of things get to me like minor things. They used to bother me so much. Now I'm like, okay, no problem. You know, hey, it's okay. You know, so I've learned to I think, I think I for me was learning to have a little bit more patience. Right. Because I was I'm a very by nature and because I'm Venezuelan, I'm, I'm very impatient, very, very impatient. I have no patience signs for hardly nothing. So I've had. And then you, on the other hand, who grew up with a complete different, you know, uh, it's just a complete different environment when it comes down to that. So you have way more patience than I did, even with the kids, right? Where I had to learn how to have patience. I had to learn how to, you know, not get not let it get to me. It's okay. Don't worry about it. Hey, it happens to work like today. You know, we are here. And then our grandson was here and he spilled the, you know, the coconut water. And it was like, hey, no problem. Don't worry about it. You're okay. Everything good? All right. You know, to where the younger of me would have been like, oh my God, look at what you did. You know? Because that's how I grew up. That's the things I heard. That's the thing that you grew up with. So, um, I feel like I am the same me that I've always been, but I feel like I've evolved and I change, like you said, to a better person. I think if what if the change that they want you to make is for the better, you know, like having more patience sometimes is good. Yeah. Then go ahead and make the change. But if I'm trying to think if there's something that. Won't be for the better. But I don't know if I know. I tell you what, though. There. There are marriages that we see that a person acts a certain way, and then all of a sudden they get married and that person is just not the same. Like that person changed, like the person changed. And now for the better that person changed because, um, there's just there's just not themselves, you know, and and so I don't know how that dynamic works. Um, I remember early on when we first got together, I told you, hey, my family's everything, you know, and and and I understood it was your family was everything to you. And we made it work to where we showed up to, you know, when my mom was alive and we used to do a lot of parties over at my sister's house, we used to do a lot of stuff over there, but we never missed out on anything on your family either, you know, and I think there are people that get together and they just completely disown one part of the family. Yeah, they just forget about one, one, one side of the family, you know? I mean, I would maybe I'm thinking like, let's just say you the person has like really bad anger issues. Yeah. And they don't want to change their anger issues because some people could have some anger issues like. 0 to 100 real quick. Type of deal. Um, so I could see that if they don't make the change on, like, improving their anger issues or like getting some kind of therapy or something right with it, then yes. Yeah, you should make that change. And and if you don't, then the relationship might not work. Yeah. I think one thing that helped us a lot tremendously is growing up in the business that we grew up in, where they empowered a lot of self-improvement. I mean, we've been to hundreds of thousands of seminars. You know, I mean, read tons of books and audios and videos and mentor by people who set an example, in a sense, right, on how to grow up and be, you know, a family person or a business person or whatever, you know. So I think, you know, we, we we've had a different track record when it comes down to all of the self-improvement that we've done on our own and through our training, where it's hard. A lot of people don't go through that. A lot of people don't don't do that. And so they don't find themselves. They don't find their they don't find their true selves. And when you don't find your true self, it's just hard for you to be able to realize that you need to change certain behavior that you have in order for the relationship to work. Yeah, because I'm telling you, like you said, right? Like, we found ourselves that we've changed a few things for the better, but how we not like you take away all of the self-improvement and take away all of the training and everything. If you would have had your Nevada power job, I would have kept my Home Depot job or whatever. I don't know if we would still be together right now. Really? I don't think so. I think we probably would have grown apart. I, I think so I this is I and I've, I've thought about this plenty of times. I just think it's the environment that we were plugged. I mean, you think about it when, when all this stuff that we talked about early on on the podcast, the stuff I used to do prior to, you know. Yeah. No, that's true, that that's what I'm saying. It probably would have gotten worse. It would have gotten worse. It would have got or you would have gotten fed up, or you would have been like, I'm done. Yeah. You know, so I, I attribute, you know, that part of our life and our business and that the environment that we plugged into being able to adjust. That's true. I agree. Okay. Should couples have access to each other's phones and social media accounts? Nuh. Uh. I mean, you know my stuff. You know my password on my phone. Okay, I feel that. Okay. I mean, actually, we didn't even share each other's location until last week. So last week, like, you never wanted to. Until last week. You never wanted to. Well, that's because I had stuff on the side. You know, I had that. I can't make my sticky link. Make the records. I broke up with him. So, you know, I thought it was a her. Him, her. Oh, damn him and her. Damn. Uh, I mean, okay, we have each other's passcodes to each other's phone. Yes, but when it comes to to social media. I trust you. Just like I'm sure you trust me. Like, I'm sure I could. Because obviously I know your password if I really wanted to. I'm sure I could go in there and, like, really be sneaky. But I don't do it because. Let me tell you something. You feel like. Okay, I was just about to say, I feel like I don't need to. I feel like, yeah, like I don't feel like I need to. I feel like I don't like, I don't like, I know, like, I know there's conversations that you have in there. And one might be staff, one might be caring what you know, which you talk about your girlfriend stuff and like, like I'm like, I don't need to know that. I don't need to, you know? Yeah, I don't I don't need to know that. Like, and this just same thing with me. There's stuff that I text, whether it's Josie or Edwin or it doesn't matter that you probably don't care. Just like even know. Yeah, girls, you're sharing girls and stuff like that, which whatever. Like sometimes um, but I yes. I don't feel like I need to write. I'm sure I could if I wanted to, but I but the like, let's just say. I didn't have your passcode. I still think I would have a right to, like, try to figure it out. I mean, but okay. But I also feel like even though we have each other. I feel like there should still be some kind of privacy. Yes, 100%. Even though I know you're not doing anything wrong, and even though you know I'm not doing anything wrong, there still should be some kind of privacy. Like, sometimes I share dumb stuff with my friends that I just don't want you to know. Yeah, but it has nothing to do with our relationship or, like, nothing like that. You know, 100%. That's. That's why when you were saying that, I'm like, yeah, I mean, you know, my stuff, but. And I know yours, but I don't have the need. I don't I, I feel like I almost don't want to. And not because I have a doubt or anything. It's just that, honestly, I don't need to. You know, it's it's. And and then here's the thing. I even told you Apple has this thing. Write on your iPhone, where you can designate a person right to take over your phone when you pass away. Yeah, I forget what it might not be you. What do you mean? I just did it for you. Yeah, but I would not do it for you. Why? Because that goes to stuff. Thank you for tuning in. No, I know you did tell me that, but I thought that was kind of the. Because. I mean, I already know your passcode, but you need. No, it's not so much that is that you need to get into, like, my stuff. I have, like, my accounts and things like that. But why wouldn't I know it if you don't? I have your pets. Some of these things have my face ID. Oh, I, um, have it saved. Like all the passwords are saved. I don't know that. Yes you do. So even if you just knew the passcode to my phone, um, all of the stuff would just come up. I need to be on that wheel. I mean, why wouldn't you be on the will? That is it for me. But no, I, I agree, going back to what you said. Yeah, I, I think even though we have access to it, I don't feel the need to. So and again this is how our relationship works. But I know there's oh I know there's tons of people that would hate this answer because they're like, hey, I don't know, let me see your phone. Yeah, let me see your phone. But you know, it's because we talk to each other a lot. And I know you have conversations with girls. Um, but again, you tell me what you guys talk about, and that's all I really care about, right? As long as you kind of keep me in the loop of what you're having the conversation with the girls. I'm okay. With who? You sometimes flirt. Yes, but I don't care. Because like I've said before, I don't think I'm going to be the only beautiful girl in your life. You know, like that you're gonna find attractive. But, like, I just care to know beforehand, right? Just me personally, before anything goes crazy, right? Or, like, out of hand. But again, not everyone's going to like her answer on that. And I get it. Um, yeah. One more question. Yes. Just one more. Um, is it fair for one partner to significantly to have significantly more power in a relationship than the other? It's fair to say the question one more time. Is it fair for one partner to have more power than the other than the other? Uh, no. No, I don't think so either. No, I don't think so. I think when one person has more power than the other, than something's wrong in the relationship, and it does happen. I see it a lot, but I. I just think, you know, you hear people said relationships should be 5050. It's not even that. It's got to be 101 hundred. You know, somebody's gotta put in their their best effort to their relationship. Yeah I know. Is there more things I maybe have more power? Like maybe that I know more than you. But then there's stuff that you know more than me, right? Um, in the relationship, let's just like, for example, finances, taxes, all that crap I handle. You. You don't want enough. So in a sense, I do have more power when it comes to that kind of stuff. But like you, as far as the business and handling all of that and the, you know, you have more power than me. Does it work out perfectly? Absolutely. But it's because we both give, like you said, our 100%. But I don't think necessarily that means I have more power than you. Just like you, I don't think you have more power than to be able to. I, I as as I think that's just designating certain things. You're struggling. Yeah, but you're strength and and there are on your strength. I don't want to have the power. Yeah, because that's what you do best. You know, it's not that I couldn't learn how to do it. And it's not that I'm not capable of doing it, but I let you do it because those are your strength. That's your power and vice versa, you know? So, um, but but it I, I have seen obviously, and I have experienced people where, you know, let's say the man does everything. Yes. It does the. Why not like absolutely nothing like, like exist there to breed children type of. That's it. Yeah. Like I've, I've seen it to where the man controls everything. The bills, the income. You know, like the wife gets paid and the paycheck goes 100% to the husband. Sometimes they don't even work. He has them at home, like. Right. Yeah. Barefoot and control 100% everything. Everything that goes. Everything that comes. Everything they buy, everything they, you know, like she's gotta ask for money to go to the grocery store. Yes. You know, I've seen that. And I mean, I, I, I wouldn't do it. I know when we first got married, like we were doing separate bank accounts and, you know, we would put you put half the money, you would have the money, you would pay the bills. And I remember I just got busy with school and work and I'm like, dude, this is too much. I'm like, here, you handle it. And ever since, like, I think our first year that you've been handling everything and where I didn't have to worry about it, you know, I just have to. Just work. In a sense, I didn't have to worry about that stuff. And there's other stuff that, you know that I do that you know. Yeah, I, I do feel though, that, um, I think, you know, and again, every relationship is different when it comes down to this, but there's got to be a masculine energy and a masculine, um, uh, power and a feminine power. And I think that's what makes the relationship. You know, obviously work too. Yeah. So. Yeah. Yeah. So to go back now, I don't think you have more power than the other. It happens. We we see it. They should work simultaneously. Yeah. And and so but these are great questions, great arguments and great I mean of views. Yes, I'd love to. I love to get questions. If you have questions about this though, let's just see. I hope I hope they do. I hope you know that few people that listen to it, that they have some questions for the thousands of people that listen to it. Yeah, that's what I mean. The few thousands. Yes. Mhm. All right guys. Well thank you I hope this helps. Talk to you guys later. I love you. Love you. Thanks for tuning into this episode of Unfiltered Us. If you enjoyed this conversation, don't forget to hit that follow button so you never miss an episode. We'd love to hear your thoughts, drop a comment, and join in the conversation. If you think someone else will enjoy today's chat, go ahead and share this episode with them. Your support means the world to us. Until next time, stay real and stay unfiltered.