Episode 23 - Miguel's Anxiety

Anxiety isn’t always visible—but it’s real, it’s heavy, and it can affect every part of life. In this episode, Miguel opens up about his personal journey with anxiety—what it feels like, how it shows up, and the tools he’s learned to cope and keep moving forward. From daily mindset habits to the moments that almost knocked him down, this is a raw and honest conversation about mental health, resilience, and hope.

If you’ve ever struggled with anxiety (or love someone who has), this one’s for you.

🎧 Listen now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your unfiltered conversations.

💬 What’s one thing that helps you when anxiety hits? Share it with us.
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Transcript

You're listening to unfiltered us, where we keep it real and unscripted. I'm your host, Suzy, along with my husband, Miguel. Ready to dive in? Let's get started. All right. We are here. It's been a busy day. It's been a busy day. Uh, but you know what? At least we're making the time to do this, though. We are. Which is important, because I know there is people that want to listen. And we've only missed one week since we started doing this. Yes, that we for sure could not do it. I guess we you could say we weren't in the right mental. Yeah, we weren't framed. We had the time. We just. Mentally. I don't think we could have pulled it off. Yeah. And this one we are doing without video recording because we don't have the time today. But at least we do the audio, which is the most important part? Yes. Because tomorrow we leave for Spain, tomorrow we leave. And so the next, the next podcast will probably record right before. Right when we come back. Right when we come back, I guess, so we can post it. So. Okay. It's gonna be good. We'll keep you updated. Yeah, yeah. Uh, okay. So today we're talking about anxiety and how you suffer from anxiety. Uh, I used to. I at least I like to. It's not as bad anymore, though. I put off this topic for the longest time. I know your anxiety wouldn't let you cover a topic about anxiety. Yeah. It's just, you know, it's just not fun to talk about it. But. But you do realize there's people out there who suffer from it, and maybe you could help them in this way. Yeah, I think I think there is a lot of people that suffer from anxiety. And, you know, it's something that is not fun to talk about, but it's something that must be talked about because again, nobody does it, you know, and everybody thinks everybody's, you know, pink and pretty and people avoid mental health big time. You know, especially men. Mental health is a big thing. Yeah. I think it's something that's definitely not spoken about as much as it should be. Yeah. Uh, and people don't think they need help. Like it's this weird. Uh. Like stereotype, especially for men like not to ask for help when it comes to mental health or like even anxiety. Yeah, really for anyone. But I, I think when it comes to women, it's just a lot easier to open up about maybe mental health, but like for sure men. What are you talking about? Yeah. The reason why I think it's more, um, a topic that you can hear from women is just because women are so emotional at times, you know, where men are for years. We live in this society of, you know, you got to be tougher. And number one, as a man, number two, uh, you know, to talk about mental health, it's something that is so taboo. Nobody talks about it, right. In general. Number two, it's the fact that you're a man. Right. Because we're not supposed to, quote unquote. And number three, more of a Hispanic man. Yeah, I was going to say that. So that's really three strikes in a sense. That's why Hispanic men you just don't you don't cry. You don't say stuff about mental health. You don't talk. Nobody suffers from anxiety, you know. Yeah. Which is obviously not true. No. So okay, today we're going to talk about that. So I have some questions for you. It's weird for me to add or like, not weird because obviously living with you, I know that you suffer from it, and I. I could always tell when you're really suffering from it because there's just signs like, yeah, you become really quiet and, you know, yeah, you don't want to, like, have anyone around you like, almost like shut down. And then that's kind of when I know, okay. Something's like, seriously wrong. Uh, and for me, since I don't suffer from that, it's very, very rare for me to, like, feel some kind of anxiety. Not that I don't, because every once in a while I do like I get. And I don't know if you get the same symptoms or like, feelings, but for me, it's almost like it's at the pit of my stomach. It almost feels like butterflies. Like for me, my anxiety. But like I said, I don't really get it because I'm. I'm very like a nonchalant person. Like I go with the flow and stuff like that. And I know you're not that type of person. So I feel like the anxiety happens when maybe and you could correct me if I'm wrong when things aren't going maybe as planned or. When is it when you feel your anxiety come in? Well, this is the funny part. Number one is that I think there is a lot of people who are going to be listening to this podcast to find out, first of all, that I had suffered from anxiety, but that I get it from time to time. But there was a period of time, and it wasn't that long ago where it was really bad. It was really, really bad. Like bad anxiety, like I and I'll talk about here in a second all the things that I went through. And so a lot of people, you know, uh, don't know that, you know. So because, um, I never used to suffer from it. Oh, that was, that was going to be one of my questions. Now, I never used to suffer from anxiety. I never used to know what that was, what that was like. You know, I remember people would talk about it, and I honestly, I couldn't even tell you what anxiety was because I had never I had never experienced anxiety. Yes, I agree, because I remember with you for 30 years. I never remember that at the beginning of our relationship. Okay. Yeah. I didn't start until, like you said, when things weren't going the way. When things stopped being the way they were. When things change and, you know, you had. I don't want to say the rug pulled from underneath you. But when you're used to doing things in a certain way for so long and all of a sudden you're not anymore. Makes sense. And then the thoughts start creeping in and then, you know, it's just a bunch of things that in a sense, it's kind of like snowballed to get me to that point. But, um, yeah, I never used to suffer from it. That's that that's the crazy part to me. I'm a lot better today. I just want to start by saying this, that I'm a lot better. Right? Today I will talk about how you came about. Yeah I am. I every once in a while I get a little bit of it, but I, I, I think I've, I've now known how to overcome it. I've now known how to, um, feel it and not suppress it because you're not supposed to, but learn how to deal with it. Okay. So talk to us about the symptoms. Like how? Um, like, what do you feel? Uh. Um, I, I don't feel the butterflies in my stomach. I just feel like I get nervous in a sense where, um, I, you know, it's hard to even describe it because it's a feeling, you know? And it's for you to be able to describe a feeling. Uh, I just get, like, nervous, like. Like an uneasy feeling. Uneasy. And, man, it's, like, hard just to be yourself. It's just hard to be where you are. You know, if you're sitting down, it's hard to be sitting down. If you're standing and you're at the kitchen, it's just hard, you know, you feel like you are racing, but you're trapped at the same time. Um, you know, I remember one quick, quick thing. I remember I got to a point where I didn't want to go anywhere where there was people, you know, like, I, I, we if we had a concert going, like, I, I just didn't want to go. You know, and if we were going, I just, I feel like I didn't want to go, but I pushed myself to go, and I, I feel like I was racing, but I was trapped. It was weird. It's a weird feeling for me to describe what anxiety really feels like. It's like your whole nervous system is just not. Right. Not vibrating. Right. It's not at ease. You know, like I feel my body's not at ease. If that's the best way I can put it, like I. It's hard for me to be at ease, you know? And so I think that's. That for me is what it felt like. And it just it's just not good. It's just just you're just antsy, you know, you're just like, like hyper, but you're trapped. I don't know if that's the best way I can describe it. Okay. I, um, I remember you had a panic attack, which is all, in a sense, the same feeling is just. I remember you not being able to breathe. Yeah. So it was a nocturnal panic attack. I was actually asleep, and I woke up and I thought I was going to die. Like, my chest was just like. Like I couldn't breathe. Like I got up and, um, like, I. I kept trying to breathe, and it was like, you know, like, I can't, you know, like it was like I couldn't like, I'm like, oh, man. And I was at ease and and obviously I'm desperate because I don't know what to do. I was short of breath and I. I just couldn't do it. This didn't happen that long ago, honestly. Yeah. I didn't I feel my anxiety. Uh, maybe I think it happened this year. Yeah, I think it happened this year. At the beginning of the year. It hasn't been that long for sure. For sure. For sure. Maybe six months. But, you know, I couldn't breathe. I was, I was, I was again trapped, but like short of breath, like almost like you're drowning type of deal, you know? And I really thought, man, there was something wrong. And I, I remember getting up. I remember walking around and this was like, I don't know, 3 or 4 in the morning maybe, and walking around and I couldn't breathe. And I remember going, man, I'm going to go to the other room. And I went to our yeah, no, this happened for sure, because, I mean, we're leaving by ourselves already. Um, I remember coming to the other room, and I remember laying in there and and I just couldn't breathe. And I got up, and then I started walking and pacing, and you just. It was. It was an eternal panic attack. And it wasn't until, um, what was it? We went downstairs and I. I turned on the TV just to kind of let my mind think about something else, to get my mind thinking about something else. And then, uh, I think you did. You have the the nebulizer machine. Is that what it was? Yeah. I think because you thought you were you were having some kind of cough issue or like, breathing issue. Yeah. We didn't really think about that. It was a panic attack until later on that morning. Yeah. Once I woke up. Yeah. Once we woke up from being downstairs that we were like, we figured out it was a panic attack, that it wasn't really like a. Yeah, I used, uh, that issue, that nebulizer, is that what it's called? Um, and then I remember I turn on something on, on Netflix. I told you, turn on the TV and, like, get your mind off of it. So we did. I finished the treatment, and then I just kind of dozed off, and I woke up maybe like that, I don't know, 8 or 9 in the morning. And then you said, are we going to the gym? And then I said, are you crazy? I needed to go work out. Um, is there certain moments that you feel it more than others? I personally, from what I see from the outside. Um, I noticed that when you're not that busy, like, mentally, like, if you're not either working with clients or agents or doing something to, like, stimulate your mind, I should say I feel like it comes on more. Yeah. And when you're working, whether it being like something that we're doing personally or like I said, with our agents or with your clients. Yeah, you, you it's like you have this extra time. And maybe that's when I think you overthink. And then that's when I feel that it comes on. Yeah. When you're a busy person. I feel like you don't get it. Like you don't almost have time for anxiety. Yeah. And I think that's actually where it started. To be honest, I think it was, uh, developed by, you know what I researched occupational anxiety. You know, because you got to remember prior to me getting it out and, you know, prior to my mom passing away, all I did was really worked. You know, all I did was really work to where, uh, it was night. I mean, it was morning, afternoon and night. I mean, I felt like I worked. 24 hours a day. Um, I remember I was the person that only got four hours of sleep. You know, I if if I was lucky, right, I would go to sleep at, I don't know, one in the morning, wake up by like, six or something, you know, 5 or 6. And I didn't sleep. You know, I didn't sleep. It was work, work work work work work work work work. And then my mom passed away. And after that, you know, um, Covid hit. We had our grandbaby, and I remember, um, the end of 2020, we got our own office. Right. So in a sense, we separate it from the group that we're plugging in with. And we were doing things on our own and it was almost like we work wise speaking is almost like we were left alone and we weren't around, you know, the environment that we were used to. And little by little, the the calls stop coming in. You know, like, in a sense, I wasn't. I was busy because, I mean, I've never stopped working. I mean, I've always done something right. I've always done I mean, maybe not as much, but I've always done something with work, right? But I remember that. Slow down. Big time. You know, I think that's when I first started, because you're used to doing something for so long, for so much time. And all of a sudden you're not, and all of a sudden you're not asked to speak, you're all of a sudden you're not taking into consideration as much as you used to. And then you know that you can help, you know that you can bring value, but you get passed on and passed on and passed on. And I think that's where my anxiety started. That's where that's why I, I, I really do attribute to occupational anxiety. That's really that's, that's where it came from because I, I can say started with the family, you know, I mean, I was more I was more closer to you than ever before. And the kids, after my mom passed away, I was more closer to our whole family when our granddaughter was born. So if you ask me what caused all of this and what change it was, it was work related. It was it was it was 100% work related. You know, I, I sense I mean, I see that, like I said, from being on the outside and I do see a beginning when your mom passed away because once your mom passed away, for sure, uh, it's almost like your mindset changed. Like, I don't want to work as much and I want to be around my family, and I you wanted to make that transition, but maybe mentally, I don't know, like your mind wasn't ready to. Yeah. You know, like, you almost had this internal battle of, like. I want to spend more time with my family and I'm going to not stop. I don't want to say stop working because like you said, you didn't. But you're going to slow things down, maybe. And your mind was like, wait a second, I'm used to working before seven. What do you mean? You're just taking that away from me? Yeah. And so I did. I noticed everything you said. I did not experience that. And I noticed that. Yeah. You lived. Yeah. Because I, you know, like, if you weren't closing, closing, closing like you always did, that's when I felt like your anxiety was just getting higher and higher and higher and higher. Yeah. So all of those things that you said, I, I clearly saw, um, you know, looking back, even right now, me sitting right here talking about this, I'm, I'm glad that I went through this. And I know you were always a big help because you were there. Like I said, you lived this. So it's not like I can lie, you know, I can lie. I can lie to anybody. But, you know, you live with me. And so, you know, I mean, in lying to someone else is lying to yourself because, you know, things are not right mentally. Right. And, um, again, and there's going to be so many people that don't know about this stuff. But, um, with me, it was like, okay, I'm right now talking about this. I'm I'm glad that this happened to me when it happened to me. Because this that I'm talking about right now happens to a lot of people almost at the end of their career. And because now they're not used to, you know, doing what they've been used to for their whole entire career. You know, even though you have a family, even though you have kids for your career. So number one priority, you know, you and you want to make money and you want to go off to the next this and the next achievement and the next promotion. And it was like go, go, go, go, go, go. And there's people like that today, you know, that they're still so focused on that 100% that at one point they're going to have to have a transition on, you know, doing things with their family like they've never have. And I'm glad that that happened to me early on and not later on, because I think later on would have been a lot worse, which it does happen to a lot of people. You know, I read in a book a long time ago, there was a story of this executive and the guy 100% focused on his career his whole entire life, you know, worked for a corporation for 40 plus years and, um, retired. And, you know, when he retired, he goes back and now he's spending time with his wife and his grown kids. But the problem is, is they couldn't get along because the whole entire time that wife and the kids got to love the husband for who he was and what he was doing, which is hardly ever home, right? That was the relationship. That's how their whole dynamic worked. That when he was able to be home now and be able to invest time with his wife and kids that they didn't know how to interact and they ended up, you know, the whole family fell apart. They ended up getting divorced and all these different things. And I think a lot of athletes go to that as well too. This is why a lot of athletes get into, um, issues, right, with, uh, drugs and alcohol and all kinds of dumb things that they do with, you know, DUIs and all these different things when they retire because they have all the time in the world now, and they they were conditioned and they were programmed to do things a certain way and a certain things for so long that now they don't know what to do with their time. And so I, I attribute it to that. Yeah. I, I think as a spouse you have to realize that too. Like, um, it I don't at least when I feel that you're that way, I don't like to brush you off and say, well, figure it out. And I, you know, yeah, I like to be there as a supportive partner and be like, okay, well, you know, let's talk about it. I know we even have like a little thing that we say to each other that we're like, I just need some love, which means, you know, just sit here like, be next to me. Yeah. And maybe not talk, but, like, let's just. Sit together for a second. Yeah. And so when you say that to me, like I just need some love. I just sit there, right? And I just want to make sure that at least you have me as a supportive partner, which I think helps a lot when someone that suffers from anxiety is to be able to be like, okay, maybe a lot of times they don't need you to speak because I don't speak to you. I like to be there for you. Like, if you need to say something, I'll be there, right? But I'm not going to be, um, like hounding you, like, well, tell me what's wrong. You know, like, we need to figure, you know, I or or like, we've heard, um, people say when their man's go through it and their wife goes. That's for what? What did the person say? That's for pussies or something, or I don't. Yeah, something like, that's not a man thing. And, you know, you better get your shit together and. Yeah. See, so little things like that, we, we know of someone who they went through it and the spouse said that to them. And then of course, that's not helping. No it doesn't. That doesn't help at all. I think I think yeah, I think 100% what you said is true. The, the supportive partner. And if you don't have a spouse, you know, you got to open up to somebody, you know. And, and I know there's a lot of men and I know we're talking about this today. Um, between our partnership, it's me. You know, it's not even you. Which, you know, like I said, uh, you know, women by society looking outwardly. Right. Uh, women are more emotional than men, but sometimes it happens to men, and it doesn't happen to women, which is, thank God I didn't happen to the both of us, you know, because, um, like I said, it's it's it's not fun. But. Yeah, I got to a point. Um. Where I, I couldn't sit. I couldn't sit in meetings anymore. Yes. That's true. I couldn't sit. I would get up and walk away. I couldn't sit. You're like, I can't, I can't. I couldn't sit. And it was funny because I remember one time you you weren't there. And I remember I went to a, uh, Saturday training meeting, and I was sitting in the back next to one of my friends. And, I mean, without me unconsciously knowing this like I was. My anxiety was through the roof. And I sense it when you're in a meeting. Oh, my, I sometimes I don't even I don't want to sit next to you because I sense it so bad. Yeah, but why are you gonna say that? Your friend sensed it, too. Yeah. He said, you know what? He said, just go home. He said, just go do it. He does. He knows. Right? It's one of my great friends in the business. And. And he felt it. He felt that he was crazy. He turned around. He turned around and looked at me, and he goes, dude, go home. That's crazy. Go home. And and and I, I got up and I left, I left early. Energy is crazy. I, you know. And the thing about it is, is that I've. I'm a high energy person, so if I'm vibrating at a super high positive energy, someone's going to feel it. And if I'm pissed off, someone's going to feel the energy, right? If I don't like you, you're going to feel the energy. And it's the same way with my anxiety, you know? And obviously, you know, Miguel knows about it and he knows about it, right? That I kind of, you know, have my issues with it. Um, but yeah, I, I couldn't say that there is a lot of meetings that I didn't go because of that. Yeah, I skipped I skipped a lot of meetings, and I left early in a lot of meetings because of that. Because of my anxiety? Yeah. Because I couldn't sit through it that your friend sensed it. I mean, for sure it does. It does it it it shows when you're going through it for sure. Um, so let's get to like how I know there was a certain book that really helped you. Mhm. Um, would you say that was the turning point of your anxiety? 100%. Do you want to talk about the book? Yeah. So, you know, of course, as as I'm going through this, I'm dealing with it and I'm learning with it. Right. And obviously the support. Like you said, it was always there. Um, never once I got judged by you nor the kids for having anxiety. I think the kids I think, you know, obviously my granddaughter brought a lot of joy to me, which neutralized that a lot because I was able to channel that energy into, you know, I didn't want her to feel that. She's never felt that for me. So in a sense, every time I got a chance to be with her, you know, that neutralized it, right? And if you look back at, I don't know, this might have been 2021, 2022, maybe when all this stuff happened, maybe 2023. And again, I'm still in a sense, sometimes I get it right, but it's very light. Um, you know, my I even people it's funny because even people I would run into people and people go, oh, I hurry, you don't do what you do anymore, right? There's a lot of people that thought that I had retired, and there was a lot of people that talked. But you know what this is? What's funny is that people will talk. You know, it's easy for people. Even in our business. People talk without knowing what you're going through. You know, it's easy from the outside, look at what I'm doing and what I'm posting. But they don't know internally what's going on. They don't know. There's a reason why. Maybe you're not doing what you used to do before. And instead of them reaching out and asking how you're doing. You know, they just come up with the. I don't know. Uh, an assumption. And all of a sudden you hear from other people that they said this, and they said that, which I didn't care because I've never really cared what other people think or say about me. As long as my wife and my kids know what's going on, that's really all that matters to me. Um, but going back to your question, you know, I was dealing with it, right? And I remember for my, my birthday came and this was, what, a couple of years ago, three years ago, let's say three years ago, right, that this happened. So it must have been 20, 22. Yeah. Because I went through this for like a good year or two. So maybe 2022, 2023, maybe 2 to 3 years ago. Um, I, I was gifted The Untethered Soul. It's a book. It's called The Untethered Soul. I forget the author. Uh, but look at it. It has a horse on the cover of it, and I. I remember reading the book. It's just something that, you know, I picked up the book and I started reading it, and I'm like, man, this book is pretty good. And I finished the book and I was a complete different person. It was the perfect book for the perfect person at the perfect time. And it's crazy how that book came about to your life, because I was watching TikToks and I came across a TikTok about this book, and this guy was talking about how wonderful of a book it is. Granted, he didn't see it had anything to do with anxiety or anything or anything. No, no, no, it doesn't have anything to do with anxiety, I don't think I don't think that's what the book is. I don't think either. But it helped you. It helped me because. Because of the because okay. It helped me because if you think about it, when you're untethered, right? What does that mean? You're disconnected. Right? Like, your soul's not attached. You're not buying to nothing. In a sense, when you're tethered to something. Right? And that's what the book's all about. And. Right. And when the guy was explaining it, I don't think he explained it in that way. He just like, I think he read like a line out of the book, and he just kept saying how wonderful of a book it was. And I had followed the guy because he had, um, he was talking about other books that were so great, and they were books that I remember me and you liked. So when he came across this or made the TikTok about this book, I was like, perfect, that's a book. Miguel, I don't know why I thought Miguel should read. So it was your birthday and coming up, your birthday was coming up. And my best friend said, yeah, I want to give me girl a book. That's why I say nothing is ever a coincidence, right? Everything always happens for a reason. I'm very much that kind of person. Yeah. And I go, oh, get him this book. And I sent her, like a screenshot of what the book looks like. She went to the bookstore and she picked it up, and she gifted it to you. Correct. And that's how you came about the book. But like I said, it's. Oh, it's me watching the TikTok, thinking about you telling my best friend to get it for you and you ultimately getting it. So that's why I said nothing to me is ever a coincidence. It really was meant to come into your life to help you. Yeah. And yeah, I'll forever be grateful for obviously, you know, Steph wanting to give me a book and I will forever, you know, be grateful and thankful that that's the book that you told her to get me, because it really did change my life. It really did. Um, you know, and it's a book I recommend. I've read it three times already. I try to read it. Yeah. So it was three years ago. I try to read it once a year, uh, once a year at the beginning of the year because, you know, um, those are books that you gotta always keep. Just keep refreshing the memory, you know, because we forget, you know, there are so many things that happen in a year. If you read a book in 2 or 3 weeks, you still have the other 50 weeks, you know? Yeah. And there's a lot of stuff that happens and you can't just learn, read the book once and learn it forever, you know, but it, it it was a pivotal point. It was a turning point for me because I remember if you remember this, I finished the book and then there was a meeting that got called up one of the casinos. Yes. Do you remember that? I remember, and I was like, I was preparing. I promise you, my soul. Yeah. Because I knew it was a work meeting coming up. I already knew the anxiety was going to come on, like in my mind, and I already knew how I had been there prior to that. How you were going to feel. Yeah. So in a sense, that was going to give me anxiety, because I know you're anxious and I always feel your energy and I already know how it's going to happen. I was like, I promise you, the whole way up until that meeting started, I was like, this is it like, prepare yourself. Excuse me. Go. I was about to get super anxious and then. Yeah, no, I remember going into it and I remember remembering I had just finished the book. This was, this was. This must have been like August because I got the book in July, I, I as soon as I got it, I started reading it. I'm not a fast reader because I highlight stuff, so it takes me sometimes a week, a month. I'm sorry to read a book, okay? I know there's people that read a book in a week and that's awesome, but it takes me probably a month. And so I remember this August came, it was summer. And then we go to the Wynn for this work lunch meeting. And I remember I told myself, okay, I'm just going to apply. And in my mindset, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to approach this meeting with and I'm going to apply what I learned in the book. And you, you I mean, you I think you were so surprised. I was by the end of the meeting, I was like, yeah, oh my God. Yeah, what a difference. What a relief. I didn't you didn't get anxious. You were like, nope, nope. It was a great meeting. It was wonderful. Like I felt like I could listen. I, you know, like I participated in the me. Like it was night and day. Yeah. Like night and day. Yeah. I walked out of there like, light spirited because I was like, oh my gosh. Like, so was I. I actually enjoyed this meeting, you know. Yeah. I didn't feel anxious because you weren't anxious. Yeah. Yeah. So is there anything specifically you could say in the book that helped you? Or it was just everything in general, I think. And you read the book. I did, but again, it didn't affect on you as much as it affected on. Not at all. And that's why I said there's certain books for certain people. Yeah, right. Okay. So yes, I, I, I do because, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm a very emotional person. Okay. A lot of people don't believe that on you might not it might not come across like that on social media. But someone once told me I wear my emotions on my sleeves. Yeah. And this is why I got my whole family tatted on my sleeves. Those are all my emotions on my sleeves. Um. And it's true. I'm the type of person that if I love you, I love you. If I like you, I like you. If I don't like you, I don't like you. And if I really, really don't care about you, then I really don't. And and that's just something that it just comes across. Uh, I'm just not a fake person. I'm not going to fake it. Right. And so, um, I, I've always lived this emotional based personality, right? And that's because we internalize, see, everything that happens to all of us happens on a logical state. Nothing that ever happens to you, outside of you. Happens emotionally. It happens logically. We as human beings, we internalize it and we run it through our heart and we emotionally it. And that's what ends up hurting us because we bottle it, right. We keep it in there. And and this is where a lot of people get depression, right? Because I want to say I was, in a sense, almost borderline mild depression type of deal. But the book teaches you how to release that. You know, the book teaches you how to let go of it. The book teaches you how to run it through your self and run it through, in a sense, run it through one ear and out the other. But even though you're running it through your, you're aware of it, but you're not oblivious to it. Does that make sense? You're just aware of it. You're just not bottling and in turn in internalizing it where it's going to hurt you. And so I think those are the things that I applied and that I've been working on and that I've been learning. And, um, you know, I can I can sit through a meeting now just fine again and I can do things. We can go to concert. I can be stuck in traffic. For the longest time. I didn't drive. You drove? Oh, no. Um. Anything. Many things. So there are so many things. I feel great because I got used to it now I got used to it. Now you're driving, which is fine. You're here. Chauffeur. Yeah, because you drive by post. You like to. You still like to text or call or do something on your phone while you're driving? I'm like, no, I'm just going to drive. And you could do all of that. It's fine. Um, like how you were saying with the depression, that is so true. And I think that's why it's so important for especially men to open up, because I if it goes from anxiety to depression and then it goes into severe depression. Um, ultimately, a majority of the times I feel it goes into suicide. Yeah. And even my brother, um, my brother has had a lot of friends lately. Commit suicide. Yeah. It's scary how many friends or coworkers he's had that have committed suicide lately. And actually, he said that someone had told them that the the statistic for suicide for men especially is between. I think he said 35 to 50. Yeah. Because at that age, a lot of men obviously have been bottling up stuff or don't know how to express themselves, but also at that age they don't know how to. Like they almost feel like their life has become stuck. They don't know where to go to next. And yeah, I'm sure that you they almost start to overthink it. And well, that and the fact that they, they, they would they, they think that they would be looked at as if they were less because they're talking about this. You know, this is why prior to me going through this personally, I you never think about these things, right? You never think about opening up to another person or, you know, or or, uh, looking out for how your friend is doing emotionally. Right. A guy friend, yeah. You know, and now because I, you know, thankfully we thankfully I approached it in a way that, first of all, I encounter something I never encounter in my life. But at the same time, we somehow, someway had been exposed to a lot of mental toughness and, and and and reading and obviously books and then that book that helped me out and then, you know, slowly but surely, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I'm 100% free of anxiety because I still get it every once in a while. But I've learned how to deal with it and now move on from it to where it's not affecting me as much as it used to. It's not consuming me, and I'm doing things now that I used to do years ago, but in a different way, because I'm still able to prioritize you and my kids and my grandkids. Right. So I've learned how to deal with that now. But like I said at the beginning, there's a lot of men that go through this towards the end of their career, and they don't have the preparation. They don't have the support. They don't have the the partner or the significant other that they've opened up and that they told or their other guy friend, you know, that they've told, and then that person, you know, supports them, right. And yeah, ultimately it's going to lead to that. And that's why today I am such a firm believer on men's mental health. Obviously women I'm sure women go through it as well too. But men's mental health, because of the fact that it's so not talked about. And so anytime, any time ever. I don't know if people ever wonder this, but you ever wonder how I meet? I talk to somebody and most people it says, hey, how are you doing? You know, my question is always is. Are you feeling okay? My question is, for the longest time, I don't know if anybody caught that, but every time it may be somebody listening to this, every time I, I, I see somebody and I haven't seen him in a while, man. Instead of how are you doing? I mean, man, how are you feeling? If I text you, it's always, how are you feeling? You know, and then there's a lot of people that you know that I text every once in a while and I say, hey, how are you feeling? And then they're like, man, I'm so glad you texted me. You know, you have this thing about you because it's always how you're feeling. Everybody's doing good, but they might not be feeling the best. Yeah, it might be going through something that they need to talk about. Yeah. And I think you should, because you should open up to somebody, to somebody you know, is always best to talk about. It's never it's never the best to be left alone when, when you're going through something like this. No. Because I feel you. I also think, honestly, we would probably have a lot less problems in this world if people took care of their mental health. You know, like mass shootings, for example. A lot of that starts with like mental problems, like they seriously have a mental issue that they need help with. Yeah. Um, we were watching the McDonald's massacre of 1984, and I was reading up on it because I thought they didn't really talk about the actual person that did all the killings, he was talking. They were talking more about the killings, and I wanted to know more about the actual person that did it. Right. And, um, when I was reading it, they were saying how he knew he had mental problems. He was telling his wife, like, I have mental issues, I need help. Um, and this was in 1984, which was, like, hardly talked about, I'm sure, because this is something mental. Mental, like, uh, issues and stuff like that. Mental health is just barely being talked about now, I feel. Yeah, it's not something I would imagine that was spoken about in 1984. And he knew it. He was like, I have mental issues. He told his wife. Um, and then he said he even called a clinic and told the clinic, like, I, I need to see someone. I have mental issues, I need to see someone about my mental health. And he had called the day before he actually committed that mass shooting. Um, he called and in 1984, you had to pretty much wait until they called you back, like sit at your house. There was no cell phones, there was no beepers, no nothing. So he said he had called to set up an appointment and they said, okay, we'll call you back. Well, they never called them. And, um, he said the next day he waited. He even, like, uh, was hoping to get a callback. They still didn't call her. So he said he left the house. This is obviously the wife's thing because the wife was there. He left the house and kissed his wife and said, I won't be back. And kissed his daughter and said goodbye. I won't be back. And then he went to that McDonald's and did this mass shooting. You could read about it. Actually, the documentary is called 77 minutes. But again, they don't really talk about the killer. They only talk about the mass shooting. But he ended up killing 20 people, I believe, and then injuring 19. But it was a mental health issue. Yeah. And he was seeking help and nobody helped him. Yeah. Imagine if somebody had reached out. Yeah. And set the appointment and actually sat with him. That mass shooting would have never occurred. Yeah. And that's so true with all mass shootings. If you hear about them, it's all because they they had no mental. Yeah. Well, that person was willing. To talk about it, obviously, to somebody through a professional. Right. And, um, for whatever reason, I don't know. I mean, I can't we can't say what his relationship with his wife was. Yeah. You know, whether she would have been supportive or she would have been like, you know, well, you need to go. You know? Yeah, I can help you go talk to somebody, you know, somebody, somebody. But I think nowadays, because of obviously social media and media like this and everybody being more open because I as you're saying this, I'm thinking, man, if this would have happened to me in the 80s, which you probably happen to a lot of people, nobody talked about this, you know, nobody. Now, granted, I've never had any of those crazy thoughts like he did. Right? Because I don't think it was that severe. But it would never um, but again, everybody's different. Yeah. You know, everybody has different times. Like I said, my mind came from what I told you was, um, it was called, uh, occupational, you know, occupational through through my, my, the, the type of work that I did and the things that I went through and certain things that certain people were doing. And, um, so what, that's where that's how my originated. Yeah. Because. Everything else in my life was beautiful. You know everything else. You know, my marriage, my kids, my grandkids. Everything was beautiful. Except that. And that's where mine started from. And it's still there, you know, it's still there. I, I, I fight it, but I know how to deal with it better now. Yeah. But I do believe that if you are, it doesn't matter. Men or women. But obviously, I'm a man in the habit of me. If you're a man and it's happening to you that you really gotta have number one, if it's your spouse, open up, talk to them with you. And I have a clear open. You know, on anything. Um, but open up. You know, you're we're not going to think less of you. I'm not going to think less of you. You know, and if you need help, reach out. You know, I'm always willing to help anybody when it comes down to that, because I think, you know, we all need that person in our life that can be there, um, mentally supporting us, you know, and, and, and help us, guide us through. And it's not going to cure it because it's not something that, like I said, it's very unexplainable and it's not something that's just going to go away. Thankfully, I've never really had to take any type of medication. I did try some CBD gummies, I remember that remember that's when I was exposed to CBD. Oh yeah, we went to a little store. I was I started taking CBD like liquid CBD and um, uh, but I've never had to really experience with any, uh, prescription medication. Uh, or, you know, I never really had to see a, you know, therapists or anything like that. I mean, I think I, I, I found my solution with the book and with you and, and the family, but it is a big deal. And if you need help, I mean, this is a serious issue here. We're talking. Yeah. But, um, I think with that, I mean, if you can, if you suffer from anxiety, read the book. Yeah. Am I the unfettered soul? Oh, I forget the name of the person, but the Untethered Soul and I recommended the book to a lot of people. In fact, I gifted it to a couple of people. Yeah. Um, and then, um. Yeah. But. I'm still dealing with it. Every once in a while, I'll get everyone going. It's been a while since you said I need some lovin. I need some other type of lovin. Oh my lord, you. You will always need that type of loving. All right, guys, well, this was good. I hope you guys got something from it. Love to hear your feedback from it and if you have any questions on it, we'd be more than happy to answer. Yeah, for both me and you. Because obviously you you lived it not directly, but through me and, um. Yeah. Or like I said, even the spouse, if it's not you, but it's your spouse or somebody that, you know, obviously this podcast is here for you to be able to relate and help people and us help people the best way that we can. Yep. All right. Deuces. Love you guys. Take care. In the country. We'll talk to you next week. Yes, I love you. Love you guys. Bye. Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Unfiltered Us. If you enjoyed this conversation, don't forget to hit that follow button so you never miss an episode. 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