Episode 21 - Let's Talk about Sex

It’s time to get real about sex—the good, the awkward, the funny, and everything in between. 😏 In this episode, we’re diving into the topic that everyone thinks about but not enough couples talk about openly. From communication and connection to mismatched drives and laugh-out-loud moments, we’re keeping it honest, respectful, and just the right amount of spicy. 🌶️

Because healthy intimacy starts with real conversations—and we’re here for all of it.

🎧 Stream now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen for raw relationship talk.

💬 Let’s normalize these conversations. What’s something you wish more couples talked about?
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Transcript

You're listening to unfiltered us, where we keep it real and unscripted. I'm your host, Suzy, along with my husband, Miguel. Ready to dive in? Let's get started. Welcome. Welcome back to episode 929 929 929. Okay. Actually, it's 21. I know it's 21. Welcome, everyone. Thank you for tuning in again. We have an interesting topic today. Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's do it. I knew this topic would come up I knew I knew it, I knew there was going to be a day where we were going to be talking about this, and it's here. But, you know, we did put out a, um, uh, you know, if there's anything that they want to know or anything they want to ask. And so we have a few things that, um, a couple of people posted. And so we're going to be going over those today. There's not many. I mean, I wish you guys that are listening in on a daily basis, I would at least request more. And then again, even it could have been just that, uh, they didn't see it. That or I just kind of feel like maybe we've already answered a lot of their questions. Yeah, yeah, but that's what I'm saying. If there's anything else that they want to know, don't be afraid to just, you know, send their requests in the comments or ask a question or something like this. People, did. You know, I think it's good when, um, some people just want to know more about a certain thing or, uh, something that we might have already been covered, maybe they had questions on. So that's what I'm saying. It's good if they they were to do that, like on a weekly basis, it doesn't matter. You know, anything. Feedback is basically what I'm saying. You know, if there's anything that they want. So yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna cover this. Was there anything you want to know? I just thought the whole subject was going to be about. I didn't know you were going to go through. Yeah, well, this is everybody. This is real fast. Okay. Anyway, so the first one was, um, our high school prom, but honestly, there isn't really a whole lot to talk about that because we were actually already married. We were married, and I think we went to yours. We didn't go to mine. We did not yeah, I, I well, we didn't because at least I was just born. Yeah, I didn't I honestly I didn't really care for it. I know we went to yours um, after, you know, uh, basically it would have been a year after mine, but, I mean, it was just like a regular prom, you know, I think. Did we go to dinner? I don't even think. Yeah, we did, we did. We went to the, um, the stratosphere, the top of the world. Okay, okay. And then I know we did have your prom at, uh, crazy surgeon's house, right? Yes. The one you see off of, uh, what is a sandhill? And, like, flamingo. Um, and I think it was. Yeah, yeah, he passed away now. Yeah. If for those of you that been in Vegas for a long time, it was right there on Sand Hill and Flamingo was that crazy house. Uh, surgeon. He was like a surgeon. It was two houses put together. There was. And he had, like, 1001 gadgets. Really? I mean, it was like his house was a museum of a bunch of different things. But, yeah, we had a good time. I remember we went with, uh, some of your friends from high school, widow and Martha. Eric and. Yeah. And so we we had a good time. We did. And we had sex afterwards. We sure did. So going on to the next question. Yeah. Sure it did. Yeah. So let's talk about sex. So. Okay. So one of the, one of the first questions. And I know we're going to expand a lot about on this stuff right here. Right. But one of the first questions was um, sex shame and culture. Um, what we, what we were taught and what we had to unlearn. And obviously with the whole approach of us being Catholic and or growing up Catholic. Right. Or we can talk about that first and then move on to the next one. So, um, sex, shame and culture's culture, what we were taught and what we had to unlearn. So I don't know if there's anything that you want to start with on that. I think as far as for me, um, um, it was just always taught, like, we don't talk about it. You don't do it until you're married and, like, that's it. There was no you can't ask any questions. I'm not going to answer any questions. Type of deal. You know, I felt like I really couldn't go to my mom because, I mean, I wouldn't go to my dad, obviously. Um, and so she just it was that closed off, you know, because that's how she was taught, but not that she was like that. I don't want to throw her under the bus because. Do you mean that she wasn't like, because my brother is my half brother, and I know she wasn't married to my. My brother's dad. That makes sense. So she obviously didn't wait until she was married. Yeah. Uh, because she married my dad. Yeah. So that's one thing that I learned as growing up. Like we just didn't talk about it. And you just don't ask questions. Right. And so I kind of had to learn a lot of things on my own. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. And so obviously, when you came along, you learned you were the one I learned with, you know. Okay. So going before I go into, you know, the whole thing that you said about obviously something that happened prior to your mom marrying your dad. I think we had this conversation not long ago on how many things did our parents do that we don't know or that they didn't want us to do? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That they did. Yes. But they did. Yeah. Well, that they did, but they don't want us to do it. They'll never tell us about it either. Yes. We were not around to know anything different. Make sense? Yeah, because she lied. I didn't actually know that he was my half brother. Yeah, until I was probably a teenager. So this whole time, I really thought my brother was like, my full brother. And he really did come from my dad. His skin color. They didn't give it away because my mom is dark, so I just assumed he was dark because my mom was is dark because my dad is very, very white. And so yeah, but I feel like if your dad ever had a son, his genes are so strong, it would look just like him. It would. But I'm a child. I don't know, to think these things like, hey, why does it, you know, he looked like that. He. I just thought he looked like mom, right? And I never thought to put that together until he he. Well, how I ended up finding out is because my brother ended up running away to go find his dad. Right. And, um, I don't know who said like. I think it was like my my dad like, and my mom having a conversation about why my brother ran away and I just happened to be there listening like, yeah. And so they were talking about and that's how I found out. It kind of slipped out of them, you know. And so, so when I thought that, I was like, wait a second, so he's not my full brother. So she obviously didn't wait till she was married. Like I started putting all these pieces together. You know, I'm like, she expects so much of us, you know, us three girls. But she didn't hold herself to that standard. So going back to obviously. So and I'll, I'll talk about my, my growing up and obviously the sex talk but you and like you said you your dad obviously never talked to you about this. Your mom never had a conversation with you in regards to okay. As you know, you're hitting puberty and you're becoming a young woman. She never had any talk. Like. No, just not just completely taboo. Just. Yeah. Like once I got my period, it was like, okay, now you're a girl, you know, like a woman. Yeah, but that's it. I didn't know, okay? I'm a woman. How about when I learned more? Like in sex ed? Like what a period actually means? How about when we started dating this year? We're like, pull you aside. Not at first. No. Uh, but she didn't. Finding out that we were having sex. That's around the time that I obviously got pregnant. So then that's you put one and one together. But she was all. She found out we were having sex or, I'm sure, as the mom's intuition. Yeah, she knew we were, because they've been there, so they know. Yes. But she never once ever pulled me aside to say, like, hey, you know, if you guys are having sex, make sure to protect yourself. Or do you want me to take you to go get birth control? Nothing. Nothing? Nothing like that was ever brought up. The only person that kind of brought it up was my brother. And. And I actually remember this conversation because I was in the car with him, and we were driving to my mom's house, and he was like, I just want you to know that don't become a teenage mom. Uh, she told me this. So he's like, don't be a teenager now. Like, he didn't know how to bring it up. Like he was trying to be a big brother because he knew, obviously, that my mother wasn't going to tell me anything because she just wouldn't. He's like, I have a lot of friends who are teenage moms and they struggle a lot, and I just don't want that for you. So, you know, I'm just that's all. Like, I just want you to know that, you know, like, yeah, he was he was giving me. No, I'm kidding. There is no, I mean, you got me pregnant. So you said, well, you know what? No. And looking back, of course, you know, I mean, any brother would do that any, um, you know, you you. I had him proven myself or. No. No guy at that point proves themselves, you know, because obviously, him being a man, he knows what men do and how men are, you know, and it was easy. I've always said this before, you know, and in fact, I've known some people that have gotten their girlfriends pregnant and they've said, well, you stay with your mom, I stay with my mom, and we'll see what happens, you know? And they don't really own up to it and they don't take responsibility for it. So, um, coming from Henry's point of view on telling you that, I mean, that's what he's supposed to do, you know, I mean, I feel like it's more my mom's responsibility. Yeah, but. Okay. But you think you say that now because obviously you're a different type of parent. But it goes back to the question that they asked right here as far as the shame. You know, it's almost like they're ashamed to bring it up. Yeah. They're ashamed to talk about it. Yeah. And part of it is because of their beliefs and their their, uh, their culture. You know, they're. Yeah, they're how they were brought up. Yeah. What they know. And so in part, you, you we can sit here today and say, man, we should they should have had this conversation and they should. But when you don't know any better or when you have all these, uh, outside, I don't know, pressure on you in a sense, you know, from different or what? What would people say? Type of deal. You know, they they don't want to. Yeah. Because my mom was obviously my mom was obviously very ashamed that I did end up pregnant. Yeah. She didn't like that. I remember the day we. We told her. Yeah. It was it was crazy. So, um, so changing that is obviously. Well, I, you know, I was more open with my daughter about it and. Right. I mean, I knew she wasn't going away until she was married. I mean, she's not even married to this day. She has three kids now, so it's. And it's fine with me because that's just. I feel like the new, uh, you know, I think everything changes in life. Like, it's not ever the same that when we were growing up. Correct? It's a progression. Yeah. And so stuff just changes like that. And my daughter just doesn't really care to be married, and I'm okay with that if that's what she chooses. I'm not forcing marriage. I'm not forcing marriage on her and Aaron, you know, they're perfectly happy the way they are. Right? And that's fine. You know, he provides for them beautifully. Like I love the relationship that they have. Yeah. They she stays at home and she loves that. And if that's what she chose that's what she chose. Yeah I mean she waited longer to have kids than I did. So yeah I was already a plus there for me. Yeah, that's true for us. You know, I, I think I remember we watched one time a documentary on how marriage was invented. Right. And I always bring this up because to tell you the truth, and I get it. I get it from the cultural point of view and, uh, the tradition point of view, um, this is your soulmate, and you guys are going to be together for the rest of your life. This whole. Agenda in a sense, right? This whole belief that people have had for the longest, um, marriage. Right. And I forget the name of this documentary and what what platform we watched it on. But marriage, in a sense, was invented many, many, many years ago because before marriage, everyone was pretty much free for all. Right. They they everybody was nobody was committed to one person because everybody was just free spirit. And, you know, they went as they as they came. And so they can make they came. They came up with marriage number one to keep the bloodline of the royalty going. Right, so they can marry royalties and keep the bloodline going. And also because they didn't want people to pretty much run free and do all kinds of stuff. So in a sense, I, I believe and again, this is my personal belief that marriage is nothing but a made up thing, you know, and then religion got Ahold of it. And of course, they enforce it 100%. And I know this is going to sound crazy to a lot of people, but that is what's meant to be believed. Now, the reason why I say that is because had you and I not had any piece of paper that said that we're married, we still would have the same love and the same affection and the same everything for one another. It wouldn't change anything. I don't know, I feel like I have you in a chokehold because of the the ring I put on your finger. Well, it's not on right now. Oh, wow. So you see what I'm saying? So it goes back to what you said right now about our daughter. You know, it it the fact that it's not on paper or in a sense, in a legal court or in any church record, it doesn't really, you know, it doesn't really, um, changes anything as far as how they love for one another is. Yeah. So. So as far as waiting until you're married, if you choose that, that's perfectly fine. That's your beliefs. And if you want to wait until you're married to have sex, that's up. I just don't think that's the norm anymore. Well, yeah, that doesn't bother me either. Yeah, no, I never bother me. I mean, once I knew our kids were growing up, I mean, I knew it was going to happen. You know, and the thing about it is, is that we did it. So for us to go to them and tell them not to do it. Exactly. Like my mom. Like my mom. Right. So they they knew they were going to figure it out. I mean, they they can they can they they when they know math, they can go back and figure out. Wait a second. You know, you're telling me this, this and this, you know, and I get it. There are some parents that there are some people that think, man, we made a mistake and I don't want my kids to make that same mistake. But when you look back, I don't think ours was a mistake. You know, I mean, it may be perceived that way, but in a sense, it was meant to happen, you know? Yeah. I also feel I mean, thankfully, I stayed with you, and I love you and I married you, but I also feel like if that person. If you waited till marriage enlisted stay. That person isn't the greatest in bed. Or like. I feel like that ruins a marriage. It's a test drive first. I think you need a test drive first. That's that. You know what? You're right. Because it could be that. And I'm speaking. Just because I have friends who, yes, have told me stories of, like, people aren't the. Some people aren't the greatest, and now they're stuck, and now they're stuck with certain people. Yeah, because sex does play a big part on that. I think so. You know, there are some people who may not be, you know, that you may love a person, but you also may love them as a friend. Because when it comes down to the intimacy and having sex, that that physical attraction or that bond, the chemistry may not be there, you know, or maybe he or she does just doesn't satisfy the other person sexually. So yeah, I can see that. I can see that's a good thing. I mean, that's right. I'm I'm just saying, yeah. I mean, I mean, you don't have that issue. Thank God we thank God we don't. I don't know if it's because, uh, we learn together. Yeah. That's true. There's no complaints in that department. And I know most people, you know, um, may think like there's crazy. Well, there's marriage people who really complain about that department, and I feel like that will ruin a marriage every time. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you hear stories of people that have been married for like, we we're going to be married this year, 29 years, right? And, I mean, we probably have sex five times, if not even more. But there's people that you hear that have been married for a long time, and they, they go mine. Yeah. They go months that you hear stories. People would be shocked. I was shocked when I heard that. Yeah. I don't know how that happens. I read I mean honestly, I don't know. And I don't want to know to be honest, because I hear that and I go, what? I'm like, nah, somebody's gotta have, you know, you each gotta have something on the side because there's there's just no way. But there's people that do. There's people that do. There's people that unfortunately, you know, they do get together and they, they, they are married and they just stop having sex. They even it's weird. They even sleep in separate rooms. Yeah. That's I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't care to know, but yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't want to know. I don't want to know how that happened. That is just not fun. And then. But my thing is, if when you tell him that. Right. Or when you hear things like that, I mean, we don't get into this conversation a lot with many people, but if they do ask and they know how many times, right? We have sex during the week, they they look at you weird. Like they're like what? Like no way. Like they think you're lying in a sense. You know? Yeah. It it it's truth. I mean, I'm not. You can tell me. You can. You've always called me out when you know I'm not right. So, yeah, I will not call you out on this one because it's the truth. So, you know, on on my aspect, I think growing up, um, I, I've never obviously, I grew up with my mom alone, so I didn't have a father figure in a sense. I didn't have my my brother, but he didn't live with us, right? He lived in a different city. My mom never really talked to me about any of that stuff either, you know, and I don't I mean, I think as a parent, you know. Right. And she never even told me like, oh, no, don't wait until you're married and don't have sex. She never even thought it was zero zero talk. And like you said, you learn through school, right? Yes. Sex and class and class. And then, of course, as boys, you know, I mean, that's all you talk about with your friends. You know, you talk about, oh, this girl and that girl and, you know, had sex with this girl and whatever. Right. So you always talk about that stuff. Um, but it's nothing like you're going to wait, you know, a guy is going to want to get it before marriage, you know, I mean, I and I've heard some dudes out there that I save themselves for marriage and again, I respect it. I don't judge anybody. We just look at things in a different way. But, you know, when you and I obviously became sexually active and, um. You got pregnant. Then you know me going. I think my mom kind of knew that we were already doing something, because I would sneak out in the middle of the night. You know, and then I would come back early morning. Early morning. And so she kind of had an idea. Yeah. There's only one thing that you do. Absolutely. When you say that you went with your friends, but you wouldn't go. Yeah. She knows you didn't go with your friends, you know? And so I think by the time we broke, the broke down the news to her that you were pregnant, I think she kind of like, she was like, okay, you know, like, you know what? What are you going to do? You know, and I was already 18. And in a sense, I think I, I'm the same like you with the with us. And Allie said she was 15 when she had her first kid, you know. So if I got you pregnant at 18, I had already three years older than what she was. Oh. Your mom? Yeah. My mom. Yeah. Yeah. My mom had her first 15. Yeah, she was 15. And so you can look back when she was 14 and you already figured out what she was doing. Yeah, unfortunately, that's just what happened, you know, 90 years ago or whatever, 80 years ago. Um, you know, in, in any part of the country, you know, that's that's just what happens. But, um, it's a lot worse now because it's obviously it's not right. What was going on back then, but it is what it is on that aspect. So. But yeah, no complaints in that department. Anything else you want to talk about on this right here? Um, as far as the shame, I answered the question. Yeah. And I think, you know, if if we can give one advice to people who are listening to this right now, um, obviously you might be, depending on your age, depending on if you have kids or you don't have kids, right? So if you do have kids, the best thing you can do is just have that communication with them, right? Have that conversation with them where you know that they're aware and that you know what's happening. Uh, as far as, you know, the circumstances or the or the, um, what do you call the, uh, consequences that can happen if they're having, you know, sex, right? Obviously, they can get pregnant. Obviously there's STDs and all these different things that can happen. But I think the best thing you can do is just not stay quiet and don't feel the pressure of the shaming that can come to you from friends or other family members or relatives, because that stops a lot of people from doing that, from saying that. So if there's one thing I can say that if you are a parent, then when when it's time for you to have those, those type of conversations with your kids, do it. And if you grew up like we grew up, then you definitely want to break that shame. You know, you want to break the chain of, um, not being able to have that conversation, you know, be the first one to do it. And don't feel the shame because it's just kind of hard to start it. But once you start it, it's fine. Yeah. You're always going to get criticized. You know, I mean, you think about it, if your mom didn't talk to you, obviously you got pregnant. So she got criticized. And if she talked to you and then you still got pregnant, she's still going to get criticized. So you might as well have it out in the open and be aware and what's going on. And you know what? Some kids, some teenagers, I may say, oh hell no, I don't want kids. I want to protect myself. There's no way I'm going to do that. Or they might just go and put their daughters on, you know, uh, birth control. Yeah. You know, which that obviously is an option as well too. So, um, so as far as unlearning things is I think we just had to make sure that we did things that our parents were not willing to do at that point. Yes. So. Oh, okay. Let's go to the next one. Um, so. Basically very, very tied up to the the sex part. Right. So growing up Catholic in the tradition. Right. Um, in the, in the Catholic tradition. Right. And then, um, how that impacted the views on sex and the pressure and the guilt and how we healed or rebelled against those beliefs. And so maybe we can talk a little bit about religion, um, when it comes down to that. Well, obviously, being Catholic, I think that's what you learn is don't have sex into your marriage, like, be pure until you're at the altar. Yeah. And so that's just something that we didn't do. And I mean, we're still not even married till this day through the church. Yeah, I and I doubt that would happen. Yeah. I don't I felt like early on in our marriage, I wanted that so bad. Right. Uh, but I don't really care anymore to be married to church. Yeah. I think at one point we considered it, you know, we we did consider getting married through church and. Obviously you know the religion and will tell you that if you're not married through church, you're not really married. I think all religions do that. All religions do that, right? But if we talk about, you know, growing up Catholic, obviously you grow up with certain types of beliefs and really any type of religion. You know, if you are, it doesn't matter. I can I can mention any type of religion. And you grew up with certain beliefs, right? And both you and I grew up Catholic. We did for the longest time go to church. We did baptize our kids. Um, you and I are both baptized under the Catholic Church. Um, and then. But it got to a point where, you know, you start learning about religion and you start learning certain things about, um, what these people do. And for me, I remember, I remember clearly is after we have moved here to Henderson and I remember me going to, um, uh, the church up here, I forget what it's called, the one in Green Valley, uh, Saint Francis and I remember, I remember at that time, which, by the way, ever since I was a kid, I would always. I went to Catholic school, okay? And ever since I was a kid, I always heard about priests and nuns having sex. And of course, it was like a taboo, right? And some people even said it was fake. Okay, but if you think about this for a second, to deprive a man of his sexual desires, it's diabolic. Okay. Because this is why there is a lot of these priests that go out and do the things that they do. A lot of these Catholic priests that they go and they abuse kids and they, um, you know, molest kids and or they're rape women, right? Which a few of them have happened here in Vegas. This is when I started saying, okay, this this is not right. Why are we living under rules of a person? Because this is really what it is as a person. And we can get we can get deep into this conversation. But religion and all Bibles, by the way. Now, you might not believe what I'm about to tell you, but you could do your own research that all Bibles. Throughout the history of many hundreds of years have been changed and have been misinterpreted and missed. Um, what do you call mist? Mist? Uh, misleading people in a sense, because they have been changed to adopt a certain types of beliefs. And for there. So people live by those beliefs, but doesn't mean that they're right. None of us were alive when these books were written. None of us know whether these books are 100% right or wrong. And so I remember at one point in my life, I got to a point where I said, why should I listen? I believe in God. I do. I believe in the Virgin. I believe in all the saints. But why would I listen to a single person, a human being that is just like me, telling me what to do with my life and my faith. And that's when I stopped going to church. Um, and that's when I expanded. Obviously, my awareness, when it comes down to religion and those beliefs and all the programming and all the crazy stuff that we learn as a kid, and then you challenge those because you start doing the critical thinking, um, and start learning really the truth. So I don't know if that answers the question, but I just wanted to bring that up. And I kind of feel like you went somewhere else. That's okay. Uh, no, but I agree. I feel like especially in the Catholic Church, I, I think priests should be able to have families. I feel like any other religion, they're like pastors or whatever. The head of their churches, um, can have families and can. Enjoy a life with the family, right? Where priests are very like, you have to live your life by the way you know, with the Lord, and you just have your little house and it's just you and and I don't feel like. That's right either. So, um, so I agree with you as far as I feel. I feel like men, especially because they are men, should not be deprived of, you know, having a life that's having sex. I mean, that's really what you're doing. Yeah. That's really what you're doing. You're probably somewhat of having sex. I mean, I mean, like human wise, like like, uh, uh, biologically that that's the wrong thing to do to a person, you know, for you to deprive when there's men. Because nuns can do it either. So whether you're private men or women, if that's correct, it's wrong. I think now I know people that may be listening to this, and, I don't know, might be ten years from now. They might look at me and they they might say, well, clearly you haven't read the Bible. How can you prove to me that these books, right, that the Bibles are 100% correct? We. In fact, we've listened to a podcast, some guy that Joe Rogan had on his podcast, and the guy was talking about how these books were all changed. All the Bibles have been changed, and they have been, you know, changed to fit whatever that religion wants you to believe. And a lot of the stories that are in the Bible were not even written at the time that was happening. You remember what the guy said? He said it was all by memory. Yeah. Many years later, many years later, it's at ten, 15, 20 years later, they were told by, uh, storytellers of things that they think had happened and how they interpreted to happen. And now, today, there is one human being walking around believing in a lie or believing in a half way truth that was told thousands of years ago. And so but, you know, going back to that, it's the same thing. You know, when you grow up Catholic and you grow up, um, wanting to, you know, um, and in a sense, wanting to do wanting to have sex as a, as a guy wanted to have sex and they tell you, you know, obviously that the guilt of you doing that, you know, and I remember I think I remember telling you this Like when I went to Catholic school, I remember going to, um, confession, you know, and and telling the priest, you know, that you've had inappropriate thoughts, you know, with, with the girl. And that being a sin, you know, and here, here, as an adult, at the age of 47, me thinking about all these grown men listening to ten and 12 year old boys telling them about all their sexual desires or, you know, uh, or, um, oh, what's the word that I'm looking for, Matt? If if some of them masturbate it? How? That's a sin, you know? So, of course, all these freaking priests or. I don't know, it's just crazy to me that. Well, I don't think all of them are pedophiles, first of all. So I kind of feel like you always think that. But, you know, they are great human beings that are not pedophiles, so let's just not put that out there. You're right, I can't. I can't say all of them. Yes, but it is a pressure as a man to be constantly told by hundreds of young men that them having this urge to have. You know, intimacy. It's a sin. You cannot. That cannot be right. That cannot be right on any adult person. You hearing that all the time from kids to me, that is wrong. Looking back, man, I wish I would have never went to confession, honestly, because that is wrong. It's the guilt that they put on you. And again, I can talk about this, my personal story, and I can talk about it because I did go to Catholic school. And you do. You did have to say that, because where else did you do a 10 or 12 years old than 13? It's not like you killed the person or did anything crazy for you to have a major sin in your life. You see what I'm saying? Or drugs or anything. It was all sexual desire. Sexual fantasies. But because the Catholic Church said that, that's a sin. You have to say that in confession. That's the part that gets me. I feel like you could have not said that part. About what? To the priest. Just not ever mentioned it. Then you're lying. You're still in sin. You're lying because you never said it. Well. You're lying. You can't. I mean you. Okay. You don't understand what I'm trying to say right here. Because when you go to Catholic school, every subject is. It's like going, I'm sure kids going to Christian school today. Every subject somehow, someway has a Bible verse or a Bible passage or so. It's almost like you have to live this life of like, oh, I can't tell nobody. And then the only person that you can tell is when you go there because you quote unquote one to relieve of your sin is the priest. I mean, I guess I could see your point because I never went to Catholic school. And so like, obviously, I don't know what it's like to it's like going to church 24 over seven. Yeah. You know, you go to church and you're like all quiet and you pray you're that's the way it is when you go to school all the time. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So anyway, so I hope this answer this question. So all right let's get to the last one. Okay. So this is something that, um. We get a lot? Yeah, it's a little scary how much we get this question. We get this asked a lot. Okay. And we we I don't. We're going to talk about it. But the last one is have you done anything wild like swingers. Like swingers stuff. So how many times have we been asked this? Oh, multiple. Multiple times a year. I lost count on how many times people think we are swingers. And to answer everyone's question, we are absolutely not. We're not in no way whatsoever not. And it's crazy that we 100% put out that vibe. I actually had a look up with Swinging Men because I was like, okay, how is like what is swinging? Yeah. What's the what's the actual definition? What classify. Right. And they did like you swap partners and no. Yeah we do not we don't swap partners. We don't we don't do any of that. It says that you attend like swinging parties. I've we've never been to a swinging party. Correct. Um, and what was the other one I said something like. You attend the events or something? Well, that was the parties. And you swap partners and then something else. Well, anyways, the three things that came up on ChatGPT what a swinger is, is something we definitely never done in our lives. Right. Um, so we get this a lot. In fact, we've even heard from other people that there's people who've had conversations about us being swingers. Now, I don't know where they get that from or what proof do they have. But yeah, I know the answer. And I'm sorry. Maybe you don't like the answer, but we're not. I have a feeling that that people almost look for us to say yes. I think it's because we put out so much sexual energy because we're so attracted to each other. Maybe. Yeah. I mean, we we now that we're empty nesters, boy, I don't know. We don't get our hands off of each other. I don't know if that's the energy we put out, but then automatically, people think that we're swingers because we have so much sexual energy. Yeah, between us, because we have so much sex. But we're. No, I definitely never swap partners with you. Right. And another thing that they brought up is because, you know, and and I can see why people do this, right. Because we post who we are. Right. I think there's a lot of people in social media that, um, don't post who they really are. Right. And one thing you covered on the issues is that you have a ton of friends. I do that girlfriends that are always beautiful, girls that are always here at the house, always. And you guys, you're not afraid to post what you guys do. Right. Yeah. So number one, people don't really post who they are and what they do. Number two, or they don't care to, which is fine. Okay. Number two, maybe they're not surrounded. Uh, or surrounded by beautiful girls like you all the time. And for there. So people don't think about it. And so because we are around that we because we have that where we pose the things that we do and where you are surrounded by all these people and and I'm there, okay. And I'm there every time I'm the I'm the photographer. I'm the one that takes the pictures. And so maybe, maybe people may think that. I may see that. Um, but if I don't know. Because if you were actually here, if I ever have a group of friends over and we're at the pool, you're actually never be anywhere near us. You're great about being in the house, right? Like, if we need you, like, occasionally, like, every maybe 15 minutes. Might pop your head out and be like, do you guys need water? Do you guys need drinks? Do you guys need anything? Like. Or, you know, you come out and you ask us that, but then you go right back into the house. So I a lot of people think that maybe you're in there, like hanging out with all the women. And that's what people that's where I think people get that perception of. Right. Miguel is surrounded by which he is surrounded by beautiful women, but he's just in the house and we're in the pool area, right? And, um, or the only thing maybe close you do is like, you will cook outside with us, but that or I might, I might, like, sit outside with you and your friends and smoke hookah or something. You know, I do that. And and the thing about it is, is that that's that's that's that's the point that I was trying to get to, by the way. Right. Because they see you and your friends and they see me there. And sometimes, occasionally there is another guy or two, because some of these guys have spouses as well too. Yes. And so if the spouses, the spouses are there, the spouses are there, and the spouses hang out with me. Okay. Yes. Let me tell you something. When we used to pose like we've had some crazy parties here at our house, and we used to pose these parties, and there are some guy friends that would look at these posts, write the stories, and then. And they would always ask me, hey, when is the next part of your house? Can you invite me? And I'm like, you don't understand. It's not. It's not what you think it is. And I know what people think it is, right? Because that's the vibe maybe that they get, but it's nothing like that. If I invite somebody or a couple comes over, let's say it's another guy and there's more girls. That guy sitting with me, we're either smoking hookah or drinking or we're grilling or we're doing something and we let the girls do their thing. Right. But it's nothing like what they think it is. And so I can see why they do that. Um, but that's a that's the extent as it goes in a sense. Really. Yeah. There's no there's no swinging involved. There is no swinging guys. And you know what? Okay. So what did I tell you earlier today as far as how many times people have asked this? This is because of what? I don't know, because, remember, I have a horrible memory. Wow. Maybe it's because I think vicariously they they want to get into it, or they they, I don't know, maybe. And then there's nothing wrong with that. I think that's another thing. I mean, that's another subject. Maybe we could get into. And maybe that goes back to the second question. But as far as like sexuality is concerned, like if you are a swinger or if you I don't know all these fetishes that are out there. Right. Uh, there's absolutely I feel there's nothing wrong with it. Right. Right. Like, if that floats your boat, go ahead and do it right. If that makes you happy and that makes. And especially if you're married and that makes you happy in a marriage. Absolutely correctly. Do it. Correct. I have no problem with people who are into that lifestyle, that enjoy that lifestyle, the hot wife thing and all that. Like, yeah, yeah, you know you do. Right? And it does go back to the second question in regards to the shame and the religion, right. Because, yes, because there are so many couples out there who need it, by the way. They need to fantasize those they need to. Realize and come to fruition with a lot of those fetishes that they have because it's going to be healthy for their relationship long term. Yes. And because of the pressure from religion, they don't do it because of the pressure of what other person is going to say about them. They don't do it and they should do it. And we are at a point, and this is something that we've learned honestly by, I think by being away from the religion point of view, is that we don't judge. I know, but you just said we, you and I have 100% agreement on. We do not judge. If I have someone come up to me and say, I don't care who it is, a family member, a friend. They come up to me and they say, man, I'm gay. Hallelujah. I don't, I don't care. You know, it doesn't matter to me. Yeah. Uh, if someone says, man, I'm into toast. Hey. That's cool. Yeah. If somebody says, man, I like to see, you know, my wife with another guy, that's cool. You know? Yeah. That's that. That's what floats their boat. And I am nobody in this world to judge them. No. You know, and so that's one thing that, of course, you and I talk about all the time, that we don't judge people by their sexual preferences or fantasies or whatever they want to. I think it's great when a marriage is able to open up and talk about their fantasies or fetishes, and the other person be on board about actually satisfying them. I think that's what makes a marriage so wonderful and so long term. Yeah, I think when you get in the mundane of like, okay, let's just do it, you know, like, and there's no excitement. I, I, I think that marriage won't last very long. To me. Yeah. Because for us, that's such an important thing in our marriage. It's brought our marriage together so much. Oh, absolutely. So much like people wouldn't even believe. And so when you're open up, when you open up to your spouse about those certain things, and they're more than willing to help you satisfy those things. It's I think it's amazing, right? They would probably they probably wouldn't be as many divorces as they are. Yeah. For the ones that do divorce because of, um. The intimacy or the sexual part of it. You know, obviously there is the financial part of it, but that's not what we're talking about today. We're talking about the intimacy, the sex, the fulfilling your your partner's fantasies or what fulfills your fantasy. Right? Yeah. And so I think if people were to be open to that and to do that and not have to worry again, what someone else or what religion or anything is going to say against or of you, man, it's going to bring your. I also think there would be less cheating if you do open up to your spouse and and told them 100% what you're looking for or what satisfies you. And that's the one thing that you and I have, is we have that communication big time. Yeah. It took us many years to get there. Yeah. But once we did get there, man, it's wonderful to be able to talk to your spouse and just be quiet. And for. This is what I'm looking for. Right. And satisfy me right now. Exactly. Let's go right now. Hey, for a man, it's hard, you know, for I know for me, speaking in, in in my personal experience, it was hard to open up and tell you. Yes, because you had such a hard time with that. Because. Because we feel that as especially me, we feel that if I tell you. A certain thing about a girl or a fantasy or something. We. We feel like you're going to take it the wrong way, where you're going to say something like, oh, my God, you don't love me anymore. Yeah. That you're going to be upset. You don't love me anymore or I'm not. I'm not enough. And it's it's nothing about that. It's understanding your partner's needs and what they think and what what they feel. And once you relayed that to your spouse and they understand it, right. Because it goes back and forth. You to me mean to you that it just brings. It just brings you so much closer together, you know, when you're able to understand and talk about it like today is funny because there was a girl at the gym, you know, and she has a big booty, right? She this girl has a massive booty. And she came next to me and she I was using the machine and, and I was using two things. And then she goes, hey, you're using this? And I'm like, yeah, we can share it, you know. So I kind of worked right next to the girl. And then at the end I, you asked me how was your work? I was like, oh, my workout was great. You know, my workout was great. I worked out right next to this girl right here. And, you know, I obviously you saw it and stuff, but things like that, you know, things like that where, man, I've seen so many, um, men and women get so upset because their partner works or another man or woman, you know, I'm just grateful I'm not that kind of person. Yeah, yeah, I don't ever get it. I mean, if you if you're like that and you're a jealous person, I mean, that's. Yeah. That's you. I, I'm just not a jealous person. I don't see the point of being upset, Abigail, because he's working out next to a girl. Right. It's not like. I don't know. I just don't see anything wrong with it. And I don't know if that makes me crazy, but it's just not. I don't see anything wrong with it. Right. Well, that and the fact. And I don't see anything wrong with me. Girls saying that another girl is pretty, like another girl is going to be pretty. Like that's just normal, right? For your husband to think another girl is pretty, it doesn't mean he's going to leave you. It doesn't mean that he's going to, you know, like chase after her. It doesn't mean anything. He's just trying to express the way he feels. And don't let him stop from expressing himself, that's all. Yeah, that's how I see. That's just how I see things. I rather him be out in the open and just tell me flat out. Then hold it in, hold it in and hold it in. And then maybe one day end up cheating on me because he couldn't express his feelings from the very beginning. Right? Yeah. And it goes same thing for men and women, you know, because I know we we play equal parts on that aspect. But, you know, like I said, it doesn't mean that I'm going to do anything disrespectful, right? Does that make sense? It doesn't mean that just like there is times we know a lot of guys that work out at the gym and there's times where I turn around, you're talking to one of them, you know, and I'm like, oh, okay, you know. And then when we're done, you're like, oh man, I just talked to such and such. They went to whatever Cancun and this and that and blah, blah, blah. You know, we just had a conversation, you know, I and again, the same thing if, if, if they did anything that was disrespectful, then I have enough trust in you that you're going to do the right thing. Yeah. Where I don't have to tell you because I already know and vice versa. Right. With you and me. Because obviously that's something that we have a trust on each other on, you know, so you don't act on something that, you know, it's going to hurt you down the road. Right. Basically it's really what it is. But. Um, I don't know. I think this this was a good that was it. I think that was good. Yeah. You know, I think I know, I, I know I got a little bit off topic on the religion part, but they did ask on the Catholic part. And I think that's something that I felt like I needed to get off my chest because I know, gosh, you really went in that one. This is unfiltered. This is unfiltered. And um, as far as, again, the swinger part, we are sorry to disappoint you guys, but hey, you go at it, you know, if that's what you like. I mean, hats off to you. I think that would scare me, to be honest. I heard Green Door is nasty. Like I've heard people say that. Yeah. I can't imagine myself out of swinger party and or, like, at those. Kind of like, you know, like the Green Door and the Red rooster and all those. I can't even. What's the Red rooster? The same thing as the green door. Oh, wow. Okay. I'm kidding. You're such a liar. You knew about that? No, I just hear that there's just a bunch of old people anyways. Like. Like there's not even good looking people at this. Places, you know, from from the people that I've known that have visited this places. Um. They're just. Oh, not even they're not even in shape people. You know, so most people think, oh, man, they're. So they won't even turn you on. Yeah, exactly. They're not even young. They're not even in shape. They're not even good looking, you know. So that's just what I hear. You know, I, I would think that if we were ever to be in it, uh, you better be up to par. Hey, you know, if we were ever to be in it. So you guys know, you better be. You better be good looking. You better be a good looking girl with a good looking guy in shape, you know? And don't come out here with. No, you know. No, I mean, they don't know. You gotta have high standards if you're going to be into that. Yes. Okay. Okay. If you're going to be in if you're going to be into that, I have gotta yes. You gotta have high standards. Yeah. But it probably would I just I just know I can't imagine myself in the let people be. That's fine. No. Absolutely more power to you if you could do that. I'm just saying if we were to be in it. There better be. Take. You know, tell me where the young, good looking people are. Maybe there is a place like that. We haven't found it. We've never. We've never asked anybody. And that's another thing, right? We've never we've never asked anybody like, oh, you know what I know. Okay. So I know the reason why I may think that sometimes people, uh, may think that to us, it just came to me right now, it's because we do sometimes go out to eat with other couples. You know, there are times where, you know, but that's not weird. That doesn't mean that I don't know that maybe that adds to it, I don't know, but we've had plenty of dinners with other couples that we've gone out as double dates. But again, just dinners. They're just friends. Yes, we even travel. We do travel with other travel with other couples. But I promise you, Nathan has ever caught between another couple and we've had rooms that are adjacent to one another where you can open the door. And yes, it's been like that and even like that, there's nothing that has happened. Nothing. So and I put that on my children. Yeah. So again. Great episode. It is. I feel like more questions will come out of this, though than answers. Yeah, well, I mean, if people want to expand on it, like I said at the beginning, you know, if there's anything, any feedback that you guys want to give us, do so let us know. We'd love to hear from you. And and I'm sorry to disappoint you guys, but that is just, you know, I just, I just I, I really do hope that and I, I know it does that it does help people. That is I mean, if they have questions and specifically I'll do my best to answer them. But I'm not in that world, so I can't answer those questions. But, um, yeah, if you just happen to explore and you want to share your stories, I'll be more than happy to listen to you. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I mean, I think I do not judge. We do not, but yeah, I mean, we listen and we don't judge. I, I'd love to know stories if people. I would love to know stories I actually would. So if you, if you're out there and you have a story, I'd be more than happy to sit down and listen to your story. And we don't have to broadcast it. No, no, absolutely. We can just talk without having to post it. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that'd be a fun conversation. That would be a fun conversation. You know what? It's, um. I read the book that I'm reading right now. It says how people suffer from philosophical dogma. And I didn't know what that meant. I know I looked at it as I always knew it, as people are close minded, but that is the actual term that is used for people who are close minded. It's called philosophical dogma. Okay? And so do not suffer from philosophical dogma. Not be open minded always in all areas of life. I always like to hear people's stories. Yeah, it doesn't make me change my mind on certain things, but I still more than happy to listen. You know why doesn't help you change your mind? Because I think we're so aware of so many things, you know? I mean, there are some things that people sometimes that I love to learn new things. Right? And I love when people have facts about certain topics, and I love to get into them. And there's times where they do teach us something new and, and we might adjust our beliefs and start doing something different. Right? If, if we know that it's for improvement of your life. Yeah. But there are times where certain beliefs or certain people just don't fit us. And for there. So we just yeah, don't continue with it. But for sure we do not suffer from philosophical dogma. No, because actually I went down a rabbit hole learning like different types of fetishes once I did the swingers. Oh, it's crazy how many different types of names they are and like different types of things they are. So yeah, now I feel like I'm an expert. I think I feel like we need to learn more about this world. I need I, I, I don't need. No, that's not true. The the pineapple. The upside down pineapple. Yes. I only learned that through TikTok. Well. Your brother. Oh, then my brother was upside down. Pineapple in pineapple shorts. And. No, I don't know. I want to know that about you. Oh, that's funny, because he said he got. I mean, he didn't know what that man. And then he. And I actually learned the term hot wifey from you were like, two months ago. Huh? Cuz I didn't even know I. Because somebody in our gym says I have a hot wife. Yes. And you're like, oh, aha. Why? I'm like, yeah, like a hot wife. Like what? You thought she was like cute, sexy. Yeah. Meant like she was a hot one and that might be what that meant. But that, that apparently there's like a there's a wife for a hot wife. Yeah. You could do your own research on what that means, but yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah. So you're like, oh, he has a hot wife or he's you know, I was like, yeah, so. So now you're gonna, like, make people think that I was aware of that and not you. Well, yeah, I know it's because you hear about it. It's the same thing. You know, you come across a lot of things on TikTok. Yeah. All right. Sounds good to you guys. I hope this helped. I'd love to hear your feedback. Yes. Love to hear your feedback. Thank you for your stories. We love you guys. We'll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye bye. Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Unfiltered Us. If you enjoyed this conversation, don't forget to hit that follow button so you never miss an episode. Would love to hear your thoughts, drop a comment and join in the conversation. If you think someone else will enjoy today's chat, go ahead and share this episode with them. Your support means the world to us. Until next time, stay real and stay unfiltered.